About me
me and my partner got together in dec2002,a few months later we were expecting...then on the then at 12weeks i started bleeding several hospital visits later they discovered i had a bicournuate uterus(double womb)unfortunately i miscarrieed at 14weeks on the 10th april2003,had to have a funeral,a little coffin it was so sad,very traumatic the way i was treated......then i found out i was pregnant again a few months later,we had scans every week to make sure the baby was in the right womb that i didnt lose from last time,as time went on i got bigger and bigger then Tamika arrived on 7th april2004,we were so proud we finally had our bundle of joy,and she was,perfect in every way.....we did everything with her,we always went on camping holidays,7hour hikes over the peaks in a baby sling,we all loved every minute,bcos we were 2getha,thats all that mattered!!everyone used 2comment when they saw us at the campsite how close we were as a family....then the time came we had to pack up and come home,at the night time we bought a digital camera and my partner filmed a 13sec video of me and tamika playing,just to see if it worked....i wish now we would of carried on filming bcos that 13seconds is all we have of her alive,as that night when we all cuddled up to go to sleep,as always all cuddled 2getha,Tamika with each hand on either side of my face(the only way she would go2sleep),i remember waking a couple of times that night and she was nuzzled up2me breastfeeding,she loved her milk!so when i woke up my partner had gone to the toilet,i got up trying not to wake my sleeping princess,when i noticed she had kicked her socks off..i said oh baby ur feet will get cold,i put them back on and lay back next to her,she didnt hold my face like she had done everytime i got back in bed,i snuggled up2 her and then i noticed what i thought was sick,i picked her up and thats when i realised it wasnt,she was dead,i just screamed for my partner who came running in,i said shes dead,he said dont be stupid u dreamt that the other night,ur just being paranoid,at this point i held her in front of him and screamed NO SHES DEAD!!he ran outside,i started resusitation,trying to bring her back with every breath i had in me,thinking to myself,no,this cant happen,please god uve had one of my angels,let me keep this one!!!all the way to the hospital i carried on trying,god knows how we got there so fast,we ran into A&E and they took her,put her on this big bed all these big strangers round my baby girl prodding and poking at her,they kept trying to send us out of the room,but we refused to move from her side,about 40mins went by and god knows how many needles later,i just screamed STOP,PLEASE STOP UR HURTING HER....they heard my words,they looked at us and said were sorry...that was it our world ended there that day 31st august2004......we couldnt go home without her so we went to a hotel,everything was empty,apart from the milk leaking,i just cryed and said she would love this lets go back and see....i knew we couldnt though....the funeral came and went...then a few months later we found out we were expecting again....another girl,Makita(anagram of Tamika) arrived on the 1st august 2005,Tamika hadnt even been gone a year we were both very scared,but with moniters we struggled through,each taking it in turns to watch her sleep,whilst still grieving for our Tamika....another year or so passed....expecting again,i started bleeding at 6weeks the baby was in the wrong womb but the experts kept saying there was no reason whilst i cant go full term....i kept telling them everytime i lost a big bloodclot is this my baby,im going to loose this baby,please dont let me,but to no avail,my words fell on empty ears,i was in a cubicle on my own,we had gone so many times i told my partner to stay at home with Makita,it was 9thjune2007,i was 14weeks,lots happened in that room,someone came in and tried to tell me to go home,i said no way,my baby is going to come out,they told me to check my blood loss and they would send a nurse in whilst they decide what to do,so i was stood there for about 15mins when i felt my baby wriggling all the way out into my hand,i opened the door and said Happy now are u,my baby has came out....it was ages before a face came through the door,it was my little sister Kirsty,she was meant2be in town for the night,then my mum,lets just say alot of cross words were shared in that room...another funeral,another tiny coffin another tragic loss...we started to try to enjoy time with Makita as the months passed,then we found out i was pregnant,we talked and talked,we cant go through all this again,but scans after scans we found out it was a boy,i didnt think i could carry boys,then at 20weeks i woke up bleeding,oh god no not again,i cant take it,they took me straight in hospital,reasuring me,4days passed and scans done the bleeding stopped and i went home....Dieter was born on the 14thjuly2008,3weeks early but a little fighter,he has a few minor problems with his kidneys and hernias but hes nearly nine months now,and a double of our little angel in the sky Tamika,i know there is part of her inside him,i can see her when i look into his eyes.......that is my story.....these are our Angelsxxxxlove u 4everxxxx
mummy and daddy
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MY LITTLE GARDEN
I have a little garden
No flowers will you find;
Instead you'll see the friendships
That I have made online.
They grow from something other
Than normal flowers do.
They thrive on love and support
And understanding too.
This special little garden;
No matter rain or shine,
Is always in bloom;
This special place of mine.
It's filled with fun and laughter;
Where happiness abounds.
This lovely garden echoes
Many joyful sound.
I would like for you to know
That you are planted here
In my 'Friendship Garden';
Our hearts are always near.
unknown
the latest angel that has been made by me and daddy...
at 20weeks my amniotic fluid broke,so i had to attend the hospital twice a week and have antibiotics
to protect me and baby,after reaching the 24weeks period the doctors become more hopeful that he
will survive,then hitting the 28weeks i had steriods to help his lungs so we were starting to look
froward to baby coming as they said there should be a great chance of him being ok,and told us to
buy him some clothes and things and they were planning on starting me off at 34weeks,but after
11weeks bed rest,and lots of problems i went into labour at 31weeks3days,he was born on the
operating table as i was going to have an emergency c-section,but i gave brth instead at 21;53,they
took Te-yo away immediatly as there had been a few problems,after a short while they took me to see
him,he was in a tiny incubater with lots of people working to keep him alive,he was limp and
poorly,they kept him on a ventilater and kept pumping him with adrenaline....i shouted at him that i
had fought for him for 11weeks and its his turn to fight now....as i said these words i prayed to my
angel babygirl Tamika to help him....as these words came out he started to move and opened his
eyes,and looked straight at me and his daddy,daddy was holding his hands telling him how proud we
were,but he was looking in pain,he stayed awake and started to stabilise,the doctors were amazed
....,they told us they needed to change all his lines now that he was more stable and they couldnt
do it whilst we were present...they sent us away and said they would ring the ward for us,but not to
worry as he was stable....once outside the room the nurse told me that because i had been stood
there for so long,heavily bleeding that she needed me to try and get some rest as i would be no good
to baby if i was to ill....and that she wouldnt let me in untill i had rested...i argued but it
didnt work....so my partner nipped home to get babies clothes and i sat in my room just waiting for
them to ring to let me go back,sveral times i went and stood outside the doors to where baby was,but
got too paranoid that the nurse wouldnt let me in....so i left it a while....i stood up from the bed
at 4am and bled,i sat back down and fell asleep on the side of the bed,then my partner rang at
4;30am and said he was with baby but it wasnt good news,and to get there asap....i was by his side
within seconds,we were just staring at baby,he was lifeless and was stopping responding to
treatment,the doctor was just resting his head on the incubator telling us he didnt know what else
to do,he had given him so much drugs and treatment and he couldnt do anymore....they fought with
Te-yo till 5;55am then told us we need to say our goodbyes,they disconnected all the tubes,and
machines,baby looked tired,we held him close in our arms and prayed for a miracle,but unfortunatly
5minutes later and he was just too tired to fight anymore and he left us with his sister,who had
been waiting for him......we wish we had of had longer then 8hours with u baby,its just u were too
perfect for earth and ur angel sister Tamika wanted a brother too play with....
love u forever
heartbroken mummy daddy
makita and dieter
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