Toni Allen

I am the mum to baby Branden-Lee who was stillborn at 37 weeks and 5days gone on Friday 20th March 2009. There had'nt been any problems with my pregnancy and the day I found out that my son had died I had'nt realised anythink was wrong because I had felt him move during the night on 17th march because he kept me awake till 6am as normal.

It was'nt until later that day when i went to see my midwife for a routine appointment that i started to get scared because 2 midwifes could'nt find his heartbeat and then they rushed me to hospital.

the journey on the way to the hospital felt like a lifetime and i just kept praying that everything was fine with him. But as soon as I got to hospital I was given a scan and was told my baby had died. When I was told that my whole life seemed pointless.

Afterwards I was given a tablet to take and sent home to wait until the 19th when I went back to hospital to be induced. 3times my midwife tried to brake my waters with no luck until the 3rd time. My waters broke at 8am on the 20th March but my contractions didnt start till 9:30 when the midwife realised that I was ready to give birth to my son and that was the worst time ever because I just wanted to hear him cry but those 2days i got to spend with him has made me so happy.
I even got to say a final goodbye to him in the chapel of rest just before i had his funeral on wednesday 1st april.

If it was'nt for my mum, sarah and best friend Sammi who is like a sister to me I dont think I would of got through it by myself because Sammi was always there for me during the pregnancy when I went to my scans she was there and on the 17th when i found out my son had died she came to the hospital straight away just like my mum and they helped me cope with it alot easier.

On monday 15th june i was called back to the hospital to get the results for Branden-Lee's test results and i was told they could'nt find a cause to why he had died so suddenly and that it had nothing to do with what i did wrong that day which is what i try to tell myself that God wanted an angel and he chose mine.