Samantha Dolan

When i found out i was pregnant Wow my heart just went i was so happy. All the way through my pregnancy i was so happy dreaming of how i was going to be as a mam and how you would look. I wanted you to come i just couldnt wait any longer for you. I just wanted you in my arms there and then just after finding out i was going to have you.

Mammy didnt find out if you were going to be a boy or a girl because i wasnt bothered you were just going to be my baby and that all that mattered. Aslongs your ok i didnt care.
It was heard finding the right clothes and stuff for you i just wanted it to be right just for you.

I can say i was abit scared i just wanted to be a good mammy for you.
When i told your gran she didnt need to be told she just knew that i was having you.
Your alot of Aunties couldnt wait to meet you either and your uncle. They all helped me to do your room up with me.

Your grandad was so over the moon. We both went out to get your push chair. We both had bets on, grandad said you were going to be a girl and i said a boy cuz of grandad lol.[but i didnt mind]

The hardest thing to was picking out your name i just wanted to be right. I cryed abit not knowing what to call you. But gran told me the right one will come soon you see.

Everyday i went out shopping and anything i saw i brought even if it was a dress or boys trousers i didnt care i wanted to buy everything.

Your anties kept laughing at me cuz i was getting realy big and fat and kept saying who at all the pies.

You kept kicking me and everyone put their hands on my belly to feel your kicking mammy and kept on laughing. Auntie Ariane even saw your foot print in my belly and couldnt stop laughing. It was so funny.

Everyone was so excited.
Time was moving so slow for me i just wanted yuou out. I had everything all sorted. You had everything you needed. All i had to now was wait for you to come along.

When the day arrived being 40+10weeks it was about time you came to me in my arms. i was so happy over the moon to be having you here in my arms soon.
When the midwife came to listen to your heartbeat there wasnt one there. Sh went away and mammy couldnt stop crying i knew somthing was wrong. The midwife came back with another matchiene and i knew you were gone. Deep down i knew, i didnt need a doctor to do a scan or out my baby had left me.

After crying all night and not been able to sleep at all. Mammy had to give birth to you.
Gran went and told everyone what had happened. And your Grandad and Nana Anne was coming to see you.
My cotractions where still going the midwives said mother nature is on my side, if she was why wasnt god on mine to have you in my arms now.

When you where born your Grandad and Nana Anne where here just in time to see you arrive. You were and still are so beautiful. It just looked like you were sleeping.
We had you blessed and your name came in my head at that point. My baby Kadena-Leeya. Such beauty.

You stayed with us for abit. We all have photos all together with you.
Im so sorry you Auntie's and Uncle's didnt get to see you.
You were taken away from us.
We all said you are special even being born on halloween 31st October 08.

The day your funeral arrived you where in you pritty little pink outfit with your blacket and teddy. Mammy put a letter in with you saying how much you mean to me. You had a pink little coffin. We had a beautiful send off for you. With Cliff Richards song "she's so beautiful". You had pink roses and little notes from all of us to go with you.
I sent you a "i love you" balloon with you so you could get my note that way aswell.

Ater we are still here thinking of you. And im trying my best baby girl to make you proud of me.

I still dont know why god have to take you. All i know is he has got a special Angel with him there.
Your my number one.
Your always in my heart and your family's too.

We will be together again one day. I know. I do hope that your Great Nanna, Grandad and Gran are all looking after you untill we meet again.

Good night my darling.
I know your not here with me in body but i know your with me in spirit and always forever in my heart.

love you so much
love Mammy and family xoxox