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Aww thats understandable. I am the same.
I thought of you on your beautiful angels bday
Are you ok babe? I have not heard from you for a lil while? xx
i hope ur ok babe i know its goin to have been really hard for u but its her first birthday so its going to be hard just to let u know i am thinking of u and your family love you lots big hugs for u xxxxxxx
hey babes codie and ian had a great birthday thanks cant believe my lil man is 4 and starts full time school in september.
Had my mri scan and got my bone scan on monday then i see the consultant on friday so will get the results then.
Ive been intouch with the sands councilors so they are goin to ring me and sort out when they will come and see us.
Pal's have taken our complaint very seriously and have aranged a appointment with the two consultants that let us down on sept the 18th at two oclock along with head complaints team and they have advised that we take it further.
i dont qiet know how i will react havin the two consultants that killed my baby theo in the same room i dont know how ill keep my hands off them.
but at least things are moving forward now.
I hope you are all ok speak to you soon babes thank you once again for caring u really are a lovely person and ur little girl will be so proude of her mummy.
lots of love to you all xxxxxx
hey babe im not sure what the out come is going to be ive got to have an mri scan on my bowles and bones scans so will see what that shows to know what treatment and if they going to remove any of my intestines.i got my mri on the 16th of this month.
I know what you mean about trying again i dont take affence at being asked if i would its wen im told oh well u can try again that peas me off.I would like to in the future but i need to get my health sorted out now i know codie wants me to have another bless him,its his n his daddys birthday on the 13th of this month so they lookin forward to that.
And yes wen it comes to the men your right i think it is a pride thing but if they showed it more maybe we wouldnt feal like we have to wear an iron mask all the time.
i did have a break down the other day one thing after another went wrong and when i went to theo's grave pigions had attaked his sun flower n eat his other flower seeds so i burst into tears i didnt realise my eyes could leak so much in a short space of time lol.
im goin to ring the councilor on monday i havent had time this week.
will you try for another baby?i have so many fears if i try again but i guess thats what we will face untill we have them in our arms safe n breathing but we both know having another isnt to replace our angels but to try n move on n in that child will be a part of our angels if that makes sence to you.
how is your fella coping now or does he not talk either?
love n kisses to you all xxxxxxx
hi babe if im honest for once no im not ok!
i just dont know what to do anymore i feel like im loosing grip of everything and im not in control of my life,my feelings or my thoughts anymore.
I feel really low cuz i feel ill all the time n i long to hold my baby im missing him so much n i thought it was ment to get easyer in time but its getting harder every day.
im at derby hospital tomorrow so will see if they can sort my stomach out.
im dredin codie startin full time school as i will have so much time on my hands i know i have started a new job but its not going to be everyday i drive my self mad in the two hours he's at play school now potterin around like a lost sheep.
i know this stage has got to pass but im finding it so hard as i cant talk to anyone i need to let my emotions go n have a good cry but i cant n im just so angry.
dont get me wrong i dont show this when im with codie but im pushing my husband away we dont talk about anything much n i like to be out the house at my friends or just go out for a drive.i dont like being in the house for some reason dont help that its upside down due to decoratin i like everything to have its own place and it hasnt at the moment.
im going to ring the sands councilers so i will let you know if they do anything for me i just need to find away to let my tention go and let my tears roll.
thank you for being here for me means alot to be able to talk to someone who knows what im going threw and i dont think your patronising at all hun its nice to know someone care's i hope your ok sweet speak soon.
ps sorry about all the spelling mistakes on the last message was half asleep wen i wrote it lol xxxxxxx loves ya lots xxxx
they said it was a placentile abruption that killed him but they gave me loads of drugs whilst i was pregnant as i have chrones disease and was really ill with it whilst i was pregnant which they told me was safe but since i have spent hours reasurching them they wasnt n one even said it can cause the baby harm and placentile abruptions and so fourth so im not letting then get away with it no way in my eyes they killed my son and i owe him justice i dont want the money as its blood money i wasnt them sacked n to suffer for what they have put me and my family threw.xxxxxx
ok i will give it a go ill listen to u lol i just feel like i got to do it on m own as ive always done evrything on my own but i really dont think i can get threw this on m own,especially now im not well n codies goin to full time school i feel i have nothing left to keep me going as codie is my strength n with him not going to be around so much im goin to crash n burn i think im scared of what the future holds and i just cant open up n say what i really feel,i want to scram i cant i want to cry i cant i just anyhow.
But im good at hiding it all n everyone says oh ur doin so well ur so strong but inside im screaming i just smile n say thanks wen really i want to break down!!!!
are you doing anything for paige'a birthday?xxxx
hi babes sorry not been in touch had computer problems :-( we decided to bury theo's ashes but its not a grave its theo's garden and its been done special for codie was such a hard day as i couldnt cry i wanted it to be a happy place for codie to go and it is he likes to go and take him pictures and flowers,he's just took a sunflower up he's grown for him its so sweet bless him.
I seem to be coping better now but its still so hard i think im copin better because codie is since we burried theo's ashes.
Codie says he's seen theo and that he is very close to him so that gives me great comfort to know he is ok and that he is with us.
we all talk about him all the time so i guess were workin threw it as a family.
My husband is still struglin and is goin for counciling but i dont want to go i just dont feel ready,i feel like they will just try n make me forget about my angel and that will never happen.
Some people are so insensitive n the ones that say u can try again i just want to smack in the mouth,i could go on to have ten more but they would never replace my angel.
Theo is my son and will always be in my life just because he's not here doesnt mean he doesnt excist.
Any way hun how are you coping now?i hope you are ok and thank you for your support it means alot to me especially as youve been threw it to unlike some people that try to understand but never will.loves ya lots xxx
Thanks sweet i just dont know what to do anymore i just feel so alone i feel my little boy blames me and ian has just shut down he dont talk to me n i feel like ive done something wrong,
The past few weeks have got worse,were burrying Theo's asheson wed 27th of this month but i feel i cant let his ashes go but no-one understands.
I cant cry as ive held it back for so long n im shaking all the time my nerves have gone to pot but as im good at hiding my feeling's people just say good old stacey nothing can bring her down she's so strong!!!
The actual fact is im not n im not coping at all just because i can put a smile on my face dont mean to say im not dieing inside.
Im so angry and hert and as for the hospital i dont want there money but i want those doctors to know what they have done and be punnished for killing my baby boy.
Thank you for your support i feel your the only one that understands me at the moment xxxx
