Angela Murphy

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Angela Murphy

  • Joined:August '08
  • Location:London
  • Last Online:Thursday midday

About me

My world was shattered the day I lost one of my children: My Dear Beloved Bert, my youngest son. He was 28 years young. My third child. It was so sudden, so unexpected to lose him in that way and place, like a bolt of lightning going through my heart and soul, that left me in terrible shock and denial for over a year. Going around like a robot, not in the real world.
I am now mourning for him, some days still in denial and still can't believe it.
Still hoping he will walk through the door, we were very close. I had been divorced happily for many years, and Bert understood that. We'd spoke about our plans only the week before, we'd been planning to do these things just the two of us, mum and Bert, Bert and mum, together for years. He loved his family, mum and siblings, then we lost him, he lost us,he lost all his hopes, and dreams that he was so looking forward to. And I was...... to see him live his life as all us mums do.
You hear people say he's gone to a better place, personally I don't feel that way, no disrespect to God.
This is the place for our children to be, here, living their lives to the fullest, making mistakes, learning, growing, having children. That's how I feel, I didn't conceive him through love, carry him, nurture him, care for him, for him to lose his life so young..... so NO.
Of course it comforts me to know that his Nan and Grandad and all the people we met and loved who we lost took his hand as he passed over, that's my belief. And I believe there is an afterlife, a spiritual world, I've had proof of that, through my senses that God the Creator gave me, sound and smell. It should not have happened.

We,his brother Dean and sister Louise are heartbroken. It had always been us, that will never be again.
There is not a word to express the pain. It's a daily struggle to find the will to carry on with life without him. So many emotions, at times thoughts, that are so full of anger and hate, then loving feelings,then crying, anguish, anxiety, panic, numbness.
I do at the end of a day when I lay my head on the pillow, Thank The Dear Lord for all the blessings I have in my life, my other so special and precious children, grandchildren Bless Them: my dear dear family, my dearest precious and cherished friend's, my children's friends, the love you have given me, Thank You, your constant time you have given me on the phone, your time that you selflessly give up for me, the time at Bert's Garden,taking me there, or visiting for me, helping me plant, visiting me, picking me up and getting me out,encouraging me, helping and supporting me, your patience, understanding, witnessing my crying, wailing at times, laughs, hugs, holidays, dinners, cards,getting legless together, not often Thank God, so much you have all done for me, and last but standard not least, your understanding. I wouldn't be here without you all. I Love You all so much and it's all been so overwhelming, all of the above, losing Bert.

(I know I'm hard work at this time,angry, moody, defensive, lift definitely not going to the top floor at all at times, talking incessantly. hard work, and I'm sorry for those things, truly I am from the bottom of my heart. You know it's not really me, it's my grief. and I hate myself for it x).

Thank you GTS friends, I love you too and God Bless,
Linda and Reg, thank you, thank you, thank you, for the heavenly light of your candles to my darling Angel Bert and my family, everyday, Bless you Linda, it means so much, I will never forget him, Bert, ever, I will be on Bert's Memorial Site 'til the day I join him. And to know that other people are remembering our children Linda that we lost is ..... beautiful, as God created it. God Bless and my deepest thanks to everyone.

I can't always come on here no strength. When I can my computer which is so slow, just comes up page expired, page expired, how I haven't flung it straight through my window I don't know!!!!Apparently I need to get a computer technician, what are they, where do I buy them, probably get a laptop instead, God Willing.

So that's about me, Angela, Ange, Murph, I am now the mother of a dead child and life will never be the same again......

R.I.P. Bert and I will for you,...........................
Always look on the bright side of life...........X

God Bless, much much love Ange, XxXxX



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Daddy's Poem
----------------------

Her hair was up in a pony tail,
Her favorite dress tied with a bow.
Today was Daddy's Day at school,
And she couldn't wait to go.

But her mommy tried to tell her,
That she probably should stay home.
Why the kids might not understand,
If she went to school alone.

But she was not afraid;
She knew just what to say.
What to tell her classmates
Of why he wasn't there today.

But still her mother worried,
For her to face this day alone.
And that was why once again,
She tried to keep her daughter home.

But the little girl went to school
Eager to tell them all.
About a dad she never sees
A dad who never calls. There were daddies along the wall in back,
For everyone to meet.
Children squirming impatiently,
Anxious in their seats

One by one the teacher called
A student from the class.
To introduce their daddy,
As seconds slowly passed.

At last the teacher called her name,
Every child turned to stare.
Each of them was searching,
A man who wasn't there.

'Where's her daddy at?'
She heard a boy call out.
'She probably doesn't have one,'
Another student dared to shout.

And from somewhere near the back,
She heard a daddy say,
'Looks like another deadbeat dad,
Too busy to waste his day.'

The words did not offend her,
As she smiled up at her Mom.
And looked back at her teacher,
Who told her to go on.
And with hands behind her back,
Slowly she began to speak.
And out from the mouth of a child,
Came words incredibly unique.

'My Daddy couldn't be here,
Because he lives so far away.
But I know he wishes he could be,
Since this is such a special day.

And though you cannot meet him,
I wanted you to know.
All about my daddy,
And how much he loves me so.

He loved to tell me stories
He taught me to ride my bike.
He surprised me with pink roses,
And taught me to fly a kite.

We used to share fudge sundaes,
And ice cream in a cone.
And though you cannot see him.
I'm not standing here alone.

'Cause my daddy's al ways with me,
Even though we are apart
I know because he told me,
He'll forever be in my heart'
With that, her little hand reached up,
And lay across her chest.
Feeling her own heartbeat,
Beneath her favorite dress. And from somewhere here in the crowd of dads,
Her mother stood in tears.
Proudly watching her daughter,
Who was wise beyond her years.

For she stood up for the love
Of a man not in her life.
Doing what was best for her,
Doing what was right.

And when she dropped her hand back down,
Staring straight into the crowd.
She finished with a voice so soft,
But its message clear and loud.

'I love my daddy very much,
he's my shining star.
And if he could, he'd be here,
But heaven's just too far.

You see he is a Brittish soldier
And died just this past year
When a roadside bomb hit his convoy
And taught Britians to fear.
But sometimes when I close my eyes,
it's like he never went away.'
And then she closed her eyes,
And saw him there that day.

And to her mothers amazement,
She witnessed with surprise.
A room full of daddies and children,
All starting to close their eyes.

Who knows what they saw before them,
Who knows what they felt inside.
Perhaps for merely a second,
They saw him at her side.

'I know you're with me Daddy,'
To the silence she called out.
And what happened next made believers,
Of those once filled with doubt.

Not one in that room could explain it,
For each of their eyes had been closed.
But there on the desk beside her,
Was a fragrant long-stemmed rose.


And a child was blessed, if only for a moment,
By the love of her shining star.
And given the gift of believing,
That heaven is never too far.

Send this to the people you'll never forget and
Remember to send it also to the person that sent It to you. It's a short message to let them know that you'll never forget them.

If you don't send it to anyone, it means you're
in a hurry and that you've forgotten your friends.

Take the time...to live and love.
Until eternity. God bless!

Cherished Friends
18-11-09
Author Unknown

♥God must have know there would be times we'd need a word of cheer,

♥Someone to praise a triumph or brush away a tear.
He must have known we'd need to share the joy of "little things"

♥In order to appreciate the happiness life brings.
I think He knew our troubled hearts would sometimes throb with pain,

♥At trials and misfortunes, or goals we can't attain.
He knew we'd need the comfort of an understanding heart
To give us strength and courage to make a fresh, new start.
He knew we'd need companionship, unselfish....lasting....true,
And so God answered the heart's great need with Cherished Friends....like you!!

LOVE CLARE xxx

♥~Thinking of You, my Friend~♥

♥ My Friend
You have given me courage
That was not there
You have given laughter
That I can share
You have given me feelings
That are deep and true
For that my friend
I will always love you ♥

♥ Just a little note to say
you're thought of fondly every day! ♥

♥ When you're far away and blue
just remember, we love you ♥

♥ When the sky is cloudy and grey
we are here for you, come what may ♥
unknown.


SENT WITH LOVE
& HUGS AS ALWAYS
YOUR FRIEND CLARE
♥ X ♥ X ♥ X ♥ X ♥ X ♥ X ♥

♥***A FRIEND HUG***♥
☆*♥*☆*♥*☆*♥*☆*♥*☆

♥A little hug from me to you,
To make you smile
when you feel blue,
To make you happy
when your sad,
To let you know
life aint so bad.
Now I've given a hug to you,
Somehow I feel much better too
Hugs are better when they're shared♥

♥So pass one on to show you care.♥

♥Sent with all my love and thanks♥

¤º°`°º¤ø,¸ ¸,ø¤º°`°º¤ø,¸¸,ø

(¯`v´¯)
.`•.¸.•´ ♥♥ HELLO ♥♥
¸.•´¸.•´¨) ¸.•*¨)
(¸.•´ (¸.•´ .•´ ¸¸.•¨¯`•.

Sending You Big Big..

(¯`H´¯)
`*.¸.*´
(¯`U´¯)
`*.¸.*´
(¯`G´¯)
`*.¸.*´
(¯`S´¯)
Angelal...
You And Your Beloved Treasured Angel Are Alway`s In My Thoughts , I Send You All My Love Too, God ~ Bless..X

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