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hiya huni, sorry my computer is playing from the morning that's y i was not able to msg you..but now i think this msg will go...
hope you are fine & Cruz is also feeling cheered up now as you are feeling so strong & positive.
well i just love that you are becoming so much strong & positive again..yes I'm also wishing that this Christmas brings us the blessings of our new babies arrival..i just wish that we fall pregnant again & together & have near by due dates that our angels Georgia & Natasha will have siblings at the same time or near by...i sometimes think that I'm just having my hopes high too much, but sometimes i feel that this is what we are longing for now & we need to stay this much positive.
I know its hard for us to believe that our babies are angels now & in our caste we don't go to visit our baby's garden often so by till now i have not gone for a single time there, but i just long to go to her garden...but i think we need sometime to go there as its too much far away from our house...so i think when we both are prepared to go & see her we will go...
And i think if you remember Georgia so much & if you are not going to her garden also its fine as she is always in your heart & thoughts so the feeling are the same...as i do.
I know telling Cruz everything is too hard but when he will get a bit matured then he will understand everything & will love everything about Georgia to bits.
And I'm so happy that you brought things for Georgia & i think its good that you have kept it in your wardrobe that you can always see it & know that Georgia is near by & always near u.
And i know that when we ask God to give our babies back & we are too much emotional we feel that they are near by & talking to us, though we can't see them but we do imagine their images in our dreams & see our babies coming back...i too had this feeling when i long to hold Natasha i just put my hand & ask her to hold it & give me a kiss to make me feel better..i know to every1 it will sound mad & rubbish but only we know what we are going through so if we need some love from our angels we get them in the times we are lost in their memories.
I just wish that you stay strong like this always as soon we will be mummies soon & who know God will bless us with little baby girls again.
I just so much want my next baby to come as a girl as i will have Natasha's everything in her...when i was pregnant with Natasha i was told i was having a baby boy so i bought everything blue but when she came out to be a girl at birth i was completely shocked...so now i don't have any gender preferences as what ever God thinks is right for us we will be more than happy to accept it, no matter if its a girl or a boy as long as he/she is healthy & happy plus perfectly normal too.
So on a happy note i say that we get blessed with babies soon & have a happy & health pregnancy with babies whom we bring home happily.
Love Priyanka (Natasha's Mummy)
hiya huni,
i hope you are feeling tons better than before. (((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs your way huni)))))))))))))))))))))
I'm so happy that you took my message in such a positive way & you are trying to make yourself feel better, i just wish you stay strong like you were before & give me inspiration too for being strong..!!
I know that Georgia will be so so proud of you as you have whatever it takes to be a good lady, you know how to make people smile in their darkest time & you know how to make yourself strong for your loved ones huni, I'm so lucky to have you as my friend.
I know how it feels when you have friends awound you who understand you & know what you are going through, that why i feel lucky that we got in contact no matter that we are so far away but you & your family are just a heartbeat away from me, so whenever you need to talk to anyone I'm & will always there for you...so never worry & try to be as chill as possible as that if what our angel wants us to be, they left us because there would have been a very strong reason behind it & we will only come to know that reason when we will meet them again in Heaven.
I know how it feel when such a big festival is on head & you are out for shopping longing to buy things for your daughter, don't take me wrong if you feel like buying for Georgia buy some, and keep them for your future babies & when they grow up you tell them how they wore the clothes of their elder sister, i kept everything i got for Natasha & will make my future babies wear them & when they will grow up a bit a will tell them everything & i know they will love that they wore the thing of the elder sister...!!
And about the memory box huni, i would say you just open it when you feel comfortable & you want to, i know looking back gives only pains & no good, but if they make you feel a bit uncomfortable just remember Georgia in your heart & you will not ever want to go to see the memory box, as whenever i feel sad & want Natasha near me , i have some pics of her in my mobile i just see them & i have one sound clip of her heartbeat so i just listen to it & feel that she is near by, although i never heard her cry or anything her heartbeat clip is the only thing i take as her voice...so if you want to feel near to Georgia just remember her face in your heart huni, i know everyone says different about memory boxes as some feel that they feel better when they see all their angel babies stuff & some feel uncomfortable, but is our own way of dealing with things, so i just see her pics in my mobile & feel better. You do what you feel is right for you & don't let others tell you that - " oh you are not taking your daughter 's memory for her to remember" its your way huni & your life do as you wish.
And i know how much we feel when we see anyone pregnant or just in their last months, i just feel that i want to get pregnant right away, its not that i want to Replace Natasha its just i want my baby & not others as the place she holds in our life no one can every change that..
i just feel that we both get blessed very soon & get pregnant quickly & have sibling for our babies/angel babies, i bet you our next babies are going to have all the features our angel babies had so i just want to bring our second Natasha home...& i know you what to do the same, as this grieving process will take our life time & whenever we will think of our babies we will cry no matter how much age we go to, but to ease our pain & fill the loneliness we feel right now we want to have more babies, so I'm just praying that we fall pregnant quickly & have our angel babies back to us in the form of their siblings.
I just hope my words make you feel a little bit cheered up & you start feeling better soon...I'm always here huni so don't feel shy to share any feeling you have or any scare you have in your heart...I am always here to listen to you so just pour your heart in front of me & i will try to make things easy a bit.
Our angels our looking over us & want us to be happy, you know what happened last night i was crying for my baby girl & i started saying in my heart that i want to talk to you baby please come back & give strength to your mummy & i felt something i know it sounds mad but i just felt like Natasha was there & telling me to be strong & happy as she wants me & her father to be happy always, she is looking over us & if we cry she cries too, so for her sake i stopped crying..you think the same for Georgia Huni & I'm sure you will feel her near to you as i did.
And if i will ever feel the same i will tell her to tell Georgia to come to you & make you feel strong & happy & shower all her love to you & to your family & specially Cruz who needs it most right now.
Love Always Priyanka (Natasha's Mummy)
hi, hun
First of all i would like to send you loads of
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((BIG HUGS)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
and I feel sorry that you are having such a bad time, i just feel that we were close to each other right now to share everything face to face & could give each other hugs to make things a little easier, i know the pain of not having our babies here is getting more & more everyday as we are coming to know of our friends who are near to their due dates & will be holding their babies soon, we are so unlucky to have fallen in such a position when every soothing word also fails to make us feel better, life is so cruel to us that everything seems so useless & meaningless without our lives, our babies with us, i don't know how people say that time helps in coping, as i feel that each day is like a challenge for us & seeing people who are not in contact with us at all, with their babies or pregnant makes us miss our babies & feel rotten all the time that why we?? why our babies only..???
Life is so bad right now that i just feel that my heart is dead now without my baby, she was my life, is she was taken away i should have been taken with her, wherever she is now,i just want to be with her...i know this all sounds mad but sometimes i just feel that i want to go to her & stay with her always.
I would just like to tell you hun, that we will also have our babies too, so please feel a little bit cheered up as you have Cruz to look after & he is solely dependent on you, if you will feel sad he will too, so for him you have to be strong,i don't say that you forget what all happened as i know that is impossible, i just think of my hubby & try to stay strong for his sake, so please you try & gather some courage for your little man & your hubby as they want you to be happy & Georgia also wants you to be happy, she is so proud of you that you help so many people like me & give strength so you can't become so weak now, try to think all of the beautiful memories you have with her, as she is looking over you hun & she wants her family to be happy, i know these words will make you feel sad but , we have to face life & live for those who love us & care for us.
If you want take a break from everything you are having right now in life & please for all of them who love you & care for you, try to stay strong huni.
Love Always
Priyanka (Natasha's Mummy)
hi, dear
thanks for your lovely message.
Yes all the things you have wrote are very -2 true as i was a first time mum i wanted to do all those things which i just dreamed of during my pregnancy, i would have felt so much occupied & my life would have completely changed with our baby staying with us, we both were so longing to have a child & when we were blessed, we were at the end stage made apart, I want to bring a sibling for Natasha as soon as possible, but still i have so so many fears in my heart of all of it happening again, and i know i will never be able to cope with any such thing again in my life, i feel dead inside whenever i see others happy with their babies, although i feel happy for them & there's no jealously feeling inside me, its just my heart longing for my baby, to hold her to cuddle her & to feed her, my heart is already broken into a million pieces & going through all of it again is like the biggest scares i have right now, i just can't think of a happy pregnancy any how i try, but i know the urge to bring a baby home after delivery who is happy, healthy, perfectly normal & alive is what making me live right now, i know that what happened to Natasha can or cannot happen to my other baby but still the fear of all this makes me feel that i was not a good mother & thus my baby was taken away, i know if i get pregnant again i will be a bag of nerves to my consultants & midwife, but i know every pain & worry of me will be worth my baby, i sometimes feel that Natasha & i were not completely ready to be in such a big responsible relationship so she went back to get more prepared & somewhere i have this strong feeling that my next baby will have all her features, her eyes, her face her looks everything, i don't know why i feel like this, but i just keep imagining that she will come back to me....!!!!
i too know that Georgia & Natasha are there together in heaven looking over their mums & feeling very proud of us both as we find each other so comforting...but i just have one wish that they would have stayed here with us & should have seen how we became friends & they two would have grown up together. Can't understand still that why were we only selected to give away our babies, when we loved them so so much.
I know coming here & reading the same type of stories what we have went through makes me feel that I'm not the only one going through this, some or the other parents are losing their so much longed & loved babies everyday, which is very depressing.And i found on a site that every year more than 25,000 babies die because of stillbirths which makes me feel numb. I just wish God for once have listened to us & could return our babies to us.
And yes i will give you sites name for photo editing & making your own using different frames they are
1) imagechef.com
2) imikimi.com
hope you find them useful i have recently added some pictures of Natasha altered by me in imikimi to her page you can have a view of them & can make same for your little princess & Cruz.
Love Always
Priyanka (Natasha's Mummy)
hi dear,
sorry i don't come online on Fridays as its weekend here & yesterday my computer was playing as internet connection was so weak that's why i was not able to message you & was not able to light candles for angels. so sorry again.
thanks for the comforting message hun, yes i know that no baby can ever fill up the place Natasha holds in our life but yes they will may be able to ease the pain me & my hubby are going through, i just wish that we bring Natasha's sibling very soon, as the pain of Natasha not being with us kills me every moment.
The feeling of loneliness makes me feel empty all the time, i wanted to be very busy with my baby, waking up at nights for feeds, staying awake at night to see if she has slept or not & things like that but she was still taken away, so i just feel that i have lost my life by losing Natasha. And i know that whether its your 1st baby or 2nd baby each baby is equally important, so i know though your baby boy is always there for you & will make the pain ease a bit but cannot replace Georgia as she was someone who he also wanted so much, so i know how it feels when people say oh you have a baby already & you will cope easily, its easier said than done i know because they don't know how it feels after becoming an angel baby parents.
And for the pictures you are always welcome hun, i will make some more an add in beautiful Georgia's profile, & if you want i will give you sites name where you can also make pics & add to your wee girls page plus Natasha's page too.
Love as always
Priyanka (Natasha's Mummy)
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