Mary Steeds

I had my first son, Robert Graham Steeds, on the 18th August 1992. It was a long, painful labour - 3 days and face to pubes - but he was finally born perfect. The years to follow though were very difficult with little support from the Father and no support from family. As a baby, Robert cried constantly day and night. As a toddler, Robert made very slow progress and was, through frustration, very aggressive. At the age of 3, Robert was diagnosed with A.D.H.D. with Autistic features then, a few years later, diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome and everything fell into place. Robert was very hard work to bring up alone but I succeeded.

When Robert was 10, I was in a relationship and finally decided I was ready to cope with Robert and another baby. I fell pregnant very quick. Robert was devastated by the news though and found it very hard to accept. Just as he was coming round to the idea of having a little Brother or Sister, I started to bleed. The hospital said it was just one of those things and they couldn't see a reason why I was bleeding. My pregnancy continued but I continued to bleed. Then at 21 weeks in the middle of the night, I woke to the bed and myself absolutely soaked in blood. I was convinced I had lost the baby. At the hospital, the scan miraculously showed that the baby was still alive. I was so happy. They kept me in hospital and the next day they done a more detailed scan. My happiness was to be short lived. This scan showed that I had lost my waters. They would leave me for a week to see if the opening would reseal and the waters fill up again. A week later and another scan revealed that there was still no waters and that I had probably lost my waters a few weeks before as the baby's lungs hadn't formed. No way could the baby survive outside of the womb. I was then left with the decision of whether to have the baby then or continue with the pregnancy knowing that I was at risk of infection and that the baby would be born, take 1 breath and die anyway. It was such a hard decision to make but, in the end, I had to think of Robert and not put myself at risk. I was induced at 23 weeks and gave birth to my beautiful baby boy, Joshua James Steeds. He went straight to Heaven.