About me
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ ~♥x♥~ Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ ~♥x♥~ Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ ~♥x♥~ Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ
WELCOME TO MY GARDEN
I'm Going to tell you a story i hope your Never have to know, i'l tell you how a heart can break and tears can constant flow
I lost my twin boys you see both angels in my eyes.
God took them by the hand one day and lead them to the sky's
please dont forget my boys they were a person too they will forever live inside of me and you.
dont ever tell me That time will heal my pain,
because not even time can bring them back again.
tell me they are happy in the land up above they are snuggled in there angels wings wrapped up in mummys love
"WOULD RATHER HAVE 5 MINUTES OF ABSOLUTLEY PERFECT THAN A WHOLE LIFE TIME OF ABSOLUTLEY NOTHING "
'Love's stillness forever moves'. The baby /babies may be still, but the love will always move you. And in moving, it will go on enlarging your life forever
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ ~♥x♥~ Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ ~♥x♥~ Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ ~♥x♥~ Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ
" Life is too short.
Break the rules,
Forgive quickly
Kiss slowly, love truly
And
Never forget anything
That once made you smile"
(Paul C. Kerr)
***** IM AN ANGEL MUMMY *****
Me, I am an Angel Mummy,
Whats that? I hear you say,
Well just listen, I'll tell you Hunni.
On Earth my children couldn't stay,
...They both grew wings and flew to the sky.
Left my tummy then fell fast asleep,
they didn't make a sound, not a cry.
In my heart they are forever deep.
My babies was too special for this place,
So Angels come and took them to the skies above.
Even though their not here, to see there face's,
I know forever there sending down there love.
Yes it does hurt, that there not here now,
But you know where they are , is better than here.
So I do get through each day, some how.
I know my Angels are always near,
Watching over us, forever they are
So in my heart they are day and night,
There they will remain, until I'm by there side
Until then in the sky they are shining so bright.
So you see I am a Mummy even though there not here today,
they a Halo, wings and a happy little home,
And on a fluffy cloud is where they sleep and lay.
So my friend, I'm an Angel Mummy, Please let it be known
★WHILE OTHER PEOPLES BABIES SIT IN THERE PRAMS AND COTS MY BABIES LIGHT UP THE SKY EVERY NIGHT ★
♥ ♥♥♥ I believe in angels I held two in my arms ♥♥♥
"When a baby is born, It's the mothers instinct to protect the baby. When a baby dies, it's the mothers instinct to protect their memory
***************** MY PATH ******************
This is my path. It was not a path of my choice, but it is a path I must walk mindfully with intention. It is a journey through grief that takes time. Every cell in my body aches and longs to be with my beloved children. I may be impatient, distracted, frustrating, and unfocused. I may get angry more easily, or I may seem hopeless. I will shed many, many, many tears. I won’t smile as often as my old self. Smiling hurts now. Most everything hurts some days, even breathing. But please, just sit beside me. Say nothing. Do not offer a cure. Or a pill, or a word, or a potion.
Witness my suffering and don't turn away from me.
Please be gentle with me.
Please, self, be gentle with me, too.
I will not ever "get over it" so please don’t urge me down that path. Even if it seems like I am having a good day, maybe I am even able to smile for a moment, the pain is just beneath the surface of my skin. Some days, I feel paralyzed. My chest has a nearly constant sinking pain and sometimes I feel as if I will explode from the grief. This is affecting me as a woman, a mother, a human being. It affects every aspect of me: spiritually, physically, mentally, and emotionally. I barely recognize myself in the mirror anymore.
Remember that grief is as personal to each individual as a fingerprint. Don't tell me how I should or shouldn’t be doing it or that I should or shouldn’t “feel better by now.” Don't tell me what's right or wrong. I'm doing it my way, in my time. If I am to survive this, I must do what is best for me.
Surviving this means seeing life’s meaning change and evolve. What I knew to be true or absolute or real or fair about the world has been challenged so I'm finding my way, moment-to-moment in this new place. Things that once seemed important to me are barely thoughts any longer. I notice life's suffering more- hungry children, the homeless and the destitute, a mother’s harsh voice toward her young child or by an elderly person struggling with the door.
So many things I struggle to understand.
Don’t tell me that “God has a plan” for me. This, my friend, is between me and my God.
Those platitudes seem far too easy to slip from the mouths of those who tuck their own child into a safe, warm bed at night: Can you begin to imagine your own child, flesh of your flesh, lying lifeless in a casket, when “goodbye” means you’ll never see them on this Earth again? Grieving mothers- and fathers- and grandparents- and siblings won’t wake up one day with everything ’okay’ and life back to normal. I have a new normal now.
Oh, perhaps as time passes, I will discover new meanings and insights about what my childrens death means to me. Perhaps, one day, when I am very, very old, I will say that time has truly helped to heal my broken heart. But always remember that not a second of any minute of any hour of any day passes when I am not aware of the presence of the absence, no matter how many years lurk over my shoulder.
Love never dies.
****My Little Boy`s****
Your little boy cries too much
My Little boy`s make no sound
Your little boy sleep`s warm in his crib
Mine lies cold in the ground
Your little boy woke up today
Mine never will
Your little boy laughs and plays
Mine both lay still
Your little boy makes you proud
And just as proud am i
Because your little boy is learning to walk
My little boy`s can fly !
******IS FOREVER MISSING MY BEAUTIFUL BRAVE BABY BOY`S
JAYDEN AND JOSHUA ,
MY BRAVE DAD
MY BRAVE UNCLE PHIL
MY BIG BRAVE BABY BOY TODD (DOG) WHO LOOKED AFTER ME FOR OVER 6YEARS *********
***IN 2009 I MET SOME AMAZING PEOPLE WHO CHANGED MY LIFE FOREVER PEOPLE I WONT EVER FORGET AND OF COURSE TWO OF THEM WERE MY DARLING BABY BOY`S ***
A Bereaved Parent's Wish List
1. I wish my children hadn't died. I wish I had them back
2. I wish you wouldn't be afraid to speak my children`s name`s. My children was here and was very important
to me. I need to hear that they was important to you as well.
3. If I cry and get emotional when you talk about my children, I wish you knew that it isn't because
you have hurt me. My children`s death is the cause of my tears. You have talked about my children and you
have allowed me to share my grief. I thank you for both.
4. I wish you wouldn't "kill" my children again by removing there pictures, artwork, or other
remembrances from your home.
5. Being a bereaved parent is not contagious, so I wish you wouldn't shy away from me. I need you
more than ever.
6. I need diversions, so I do want to hear about you; but I also want you to hear about me. I
might be sad and I might cry, but I wish you would let me talk about my children my favorite topic of
the day.
7. I know that you think of and pray for me often. I also know that my children`s death pains you,
too. I wish you would let me know things through a phone call, a card or a note, or a real big hug.
8. I wish you wouldn't expect my grief to be over in six months. These first months are traumatic
for me, but I wish you could understand that my grief will never be over. I will suffer the death of
my children until the day I die.
9. I am working very hard in my recovery, but I wish you could understand that I will never fully
recover. I will always miss my children, and I will always grieve that there dead.
10. I wish you wouldn't expect me "not to think about it" or to "be happy". Neither will happen
for a very long time so don't frustrate yourself.
11. I don't want to have a "pity party," but I do wish you would let me grieve. I must hurt before
I can heal.
12. I wish you understood how my life has shattered. I know it is miserable for you to be around
me when I'm feeling miserable. Please be as patient with me as I am with you.
13. When I say, "I'm doing okay," I wish you could understand that I don't feel okay and that I
struggle daily.
14. I wish you knew that all of the grief reactions I'm having are very normal. Depression, anger,
hopelessness and overwhelming sadness are all to be expected. So please excuse me when I'm quiet and
withdrawn or irritable and cranky.
15. Your advice to "take one day at a time" is excellent. I wish you could understand that I'm
doing good to handle him at an hour at a time.
16. I wish you understood that grief changes people. When my children died, a big part of me died
with them. I am not the same person I was before my children died, and I will never be that person
again.
17. I wish very much that you could understand - understand my loss and my grief, my silence and
my tears, my void and my pain. But I pray daily that you will never understand.
You ask me how I'm feeling,
but do you really want to know?
The moment I try telling you
You say you have to go
You ask me how I'm holding up,
but do you really care?
The second I try to speak my heart,
You start squirming in your chair.
Because I am so lonely,
you see, no one comes around,
I'll take the words I want to say
And quietly choke them down.
Everyone avoids me now,
Because they don't know what to say
They tell me I'll be there for you,
then turn and walk away.
Call me if you need me,
that's what everybody said,
But how can I call you and scream
into the phone,
My God, my children are dead?
I am tired of pretending
as my heart pounds in my chest,
I say things to make you comfortable,
but my soul finds no rest.
How can I tell you things
that are too sad to be told,
of the helplessness of holding your children
who in your arms grows cold?
Maybe you can tell me,
How should one behave,
who's had to follow their childrens casket,
watched it perched above a grave?
You cannot imagine
what it was like for me that day
to place a final kiss upon that box,
and have to turn and walk away.
If you really love me,
and I believe you do,
if you really want to help me,
here is what I need from you.
Sit down beside me,
reach out and take my hand,
Say "My friend, I've come to listen,
I want to understand."
Just hold my hand and listen
that's all you need to do,
And if by chance I shed a tear,
it's alright if you do to.
author unknown
I am a Mother
I've loved my Babies right from the start
A feeling that's filled my entire heart
I went through the birth and suffered the pain
a major operation with nothing to gain.
I've spent sleepless nights being awake,
Though it's been a while my arms still ache
I've sat and I've wondered of how they would grow
The love of my family that theyd come to know
The sound of there voice as they learn to talk
Watching there first steps as they try to walk
I have two children that I really love so
I am there mother yet nobody knows
I've spent all these months feeling them grow,
I've lived through it all and have nothing to show
I don't get invited to chat with young mothers,
Because I dont have a baby like others.
Ive got some stretch marks that I'd like to hide
but I dont have a pram with my babies inside
I dont know how long I'll be feeling like this
But one thing I know, my babies I miss.
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*******september 09*********
Hi im Lisa ,im 26yrs old ,my twin son`s became angels the day they were born on the 22/7/09 i waited so long to be a mummy , i miss my baby boys Joshua and Jayden so much ,i have nothing now and i am nothing without them , If there is a God then he knew damn well the day he took my babys away then id have nothing to live for as all i was living for was them , all of my life i have always been so unhappy and lonely and sad till the day i finally got pregnant and all my dreams came true,being pregnant was the best months of my life i was so happy full of energy ,never had morning sickness or high blood pressure or anything like that ,pregnancy agreed with me and suited me so much it was all i ever wanted ,i had a lot of stress and worry during pregnancy but also many happy times ,like when i had my 4dscans and got photos of my babies , the day i finally met my baby boys and held them in my arms was the best day of my whole life ,i am so proud of them and so proud im there mummy and there my son`s i love my baby boys more than ive ever loved anyone or will ever love anyone , i miss them both so much and not sure how much longer i can cope without them , in the space of less than a year God took away my uncle who was 46 ,my beloved dog who was nearly 8 then my newborn son`s ,all of them i was with and saw them all pass away , i feel that god is without a doubt punishing me and am always left wondering who or whats next xx
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