Lavina Cassidy

I had jodie at 21yrs old and sadly she died, at 35 wks.It was a difficult time as i had also seperated with her dad,when i hadnt felt the baby move i went to the hospital they couldnt find a heart beat i knew something was wrong the midwife said dont worry i was sent for a scan and they moved the monitor so that i couldnt see, her face said it all i was then put into a side room the doctor was called to see me, my midwife Linda who was the senior midwife was there too. the doctor read the report and said what did i want to do because IT DIDNT MATTER IF I HAD IT OUT TOMORROW OR LEFT IT NATURALLY IT WAS DEAD ANYWAY i was in total shock my mum just looked at him in disgust and was just about to say something when Linda told the doctor to go outside with her, you could hear linda having a go at him and telling him to apoligise for his behaviour towards me he walked back in said a pitiful sorry and left me in Lindas care. i was told to go back the next day sat25th july to be induced.i told Dale jodies dad on the 24th july 1992 as soon as i left the hospital that she had died and that i was going in hospital to be induced on the next day (sat)he never contacted me again. Jodies' dad has never to this day seen her or a picture of her, his only words were IVE GOT A LITTLE GIRL NOW OFF SOMEONE ELSE N YOURS IS DEAD. i delivered jodie naturally on the monday at 3.47am monday morning,my mum and sister was there with me through the 2 days of labour, on the 27th july(mon)i was moved to the family room so we could have more privacy my mum had to leave and my dad took over i was so lucky to have such a dedicated family with their love and support to see me through it, my mum was there when jodie was born and my dad was there when i gave her back at 11.30 am that was and always will be the hardest thing i will ever have to do, to leave my little angel behind and walk out the hospital doors without her. Knowing she will never see me and il never see her little eyes look up at me or smile, or cry.LINDA made me an appointment to go to the S.A.N.D.S group(stillborn and neonatal death society) they helped me through it all.I recommend them to anyone who has had a loss, they supported me through my 2nd pregnancy and Linda was there for me through all my pregnancies i was not allowed to go further than 38 wks gestation, They never found out why jodie died and i suppose i will never know, but i found out after my other pregnancies that my placenta stops feeding and so i pursume that its my own body rejecting the baby after so long. jodie was buried on 31st july holding that tiny white coffin on my knee was one of the hardest things to do jodie was buried with my uncle so she wAs not alone Most of the pictures which were took never developed properly so i dont have many pictures of her. I still have her other outfit she wore that day ,and when i feel i need to i can still smell her and remember how she looked. .
DALE NEVER turned up for the funeral nor sent flowers, but i was upset because neither did any of his family and they were all told about the funeral arrangements including dale. I admit i will never forgive Dale for what he did and said about our little girl, but i know it was his loss not mine and i got to hold and kiss her which is more precious to me than anything. Its been 16 yrs now and there isnt a day goes by i dont think about her, the pain is fading with time but i know it will never truly go away.
2 yrs later i met someone new and married and in 1994 i had another little girl rebecca she was born at 36wks the S.A.N.D.S group were a godsend for their support through the pregnancy and post care,she was in special care unit for 3 wks she suffers from learning difficulties then came tommy lee he was born 1996 he was born at 37wks he has a few problems and learning difficulties then 1999 came tyler but i had complications and he was born at 30 wks by c- section but he was a little fighter,weighing in at 3 lb 1oz he was in special care for 6 wks and came out of hospital weighing 4 lb 3oz he was so tiny, though still small for his age, he is a bright 10 yr old boy no difficulties with him so far.Im now divorced but have met a great guy and have been with him nrly 4yrs hes very understanding about low days i have about jodie ecspecially when near her anniversary or xmas time its still hard even after this time period because theres no answer to the question why my child when she would have been doted on and loved so much such an innocent life being took from me.