Judy Edwards

Im judy, I joined the site a while back but only just getting the courage to fill in the details of my angels. I dont have much apart from the photo's of my pregnancy tests and this aching pain in my heart that doesn't seem to want to go away.
The 2nd of august 08 i found out i was pregnant me and ur daddy was so excited and couldn't beleive we have managed to create you so quickly. We planned your future we picked names we was set on the fact you was going to be a boy and that feeling never left us, even though we named you bean coz we read you was the size of a coffee bean in our hearts we had the name ben, lilly for a girl but we knew we wouldnt need girls names. All the excitement we had and the plans we made was short lived, and only 9 days after finding out i had u growing in my tummy you was leaving me. I was in your nans house i went the toilet and saw blood i knew there and then you had left me, i have never bled in pregnancy with ur brother and sisters so i knew it had all gone terrible wrong. I couldnt stop crying as we made our way to the hospital and neither could your daddy he was devastated. They told us i had miscarried and i felt so empty. Every day was hard everywhere i went there was pregnant ladies and newborn babies and my heart just ached for u to be back with me.
Me and daddy knew we wanted to carry on trying for ur sibling we would never forget u but we felt such emptiness. Then feb 18th 09 i fell pregnant again i thought it would never happen as it was taking so long. We was so excited yet so scared i did so many tests to help it become real. again we planned for the future daddy used to kiss my belly like he did with u bean and it felt so nice, i was sure everything would be fine this time. I had an early scan they couldnt my new baby properly and said i might be just earlier that i thought but me and daddy knew that wasnt so and sumthing must be wrong. I had to go back and forth the hospital for many weeks for scans coz they wanted to be sure as ur sac was growing but not you. I knew sumthing was wrong daddy didnt want to believe it and kept making reasons up for the scans saying what they did and it broke my heart to see him like that coz i knew how he desperatly he wanted you. Eventually they told us to wait another week before they could tell us 100% you had stopped growing, mummy knew you had coz so many scans couldnt be wrong my heart was breaking all over again. you was due to be born halloween so we named u pumpkin and already you was leaving us too, me and daddy wanted a baby together and why was this being taken away from us again? daddy blamed himself i blamed myself but deep down we knew we couldnt stop it, and you just wasnt ready to be with us yet, again we was convinced you was a boy but will never know, and on 31st march they confirmed you had stopped growing at only 5wks my darling tiny baby even though the pregnancy was 9+3wks. You didnt want to leave me so i had to have tablets to help you on your way and give u ur angel wings, im so sorry darling i didnt want you to leave me but i had no choice. you and bean will always be in our hearts and thoughts and hope one day to bring you a younger sibling. Can you look after each other up there until its time for me to join you again my little darlings, i miss you so much and not a day goes by that i dont think of you both. mummy & daddy loves you xxxx well my sweethearts mummy is back with more heartache :( on the 1st july we found out i was pregnant with ur sibling, we was so excited but so scared, he/she was due on march 14th 09 i secretly named him bumpy (i still think i was carrying another boy but daddy thought a girl). mummy looked after herself i didnt lift heavy things and was extra carefull but on the 13th july at midnight i saw pink blood i wasnt too worried at first i thought i had a little cut and it was just that. But the nxt day there was more so daddy and me went the hospital, they checked mummy and took some blood to see if bumpy was growing but i knew then it was another knightmare and i was loosing yet another much wanted sibling for u both and ur brother and sisters. That night didnt sleep again with worry i did another pregnancy test and it said 'not pregnant' it was all over m world collapsed yet again. daddy didnt say much but i knew he was hurting just as much. I got the blood results which was very low another sign it was over then that day you left me, i knew as it was the same as last time i found it hard to let u go but u was in my heart and always will be. I told daddy u had left us i saw the hurt on his face mixed with a feeling of not knowing what to say. I dont know why u all had to leave my tummy and i would give anything to have u back. mummy has to have tests done to find out why and hopefully stop it happening again, im asking for ur help my darlings can u look after mummy pls so i dont have to go through this again because i dont think i have the strength to. i love u all and miss u all so much and not a day goes by i dont think of you. we will meet again my precious little ones but your siblings need me for a while so i cant come just yet. Im still waiting for a little sign that you have been to see us as it would mean so much xxxxxx