About me
Hello,
I'm Judith,a very proud mum of three wonderful children,my eldest daughter Lauren who is studying to be a fashion designer,my son Tom who is studying to be in public services and my youngest daughter Kirsten who earned her wings and is now a fully qualified beautiful angel in heaven,
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My Story
When I was 30 weeks pregnant,I kept feeling there was something wrong,I went to the hospital nearly every week ,but they just kept sending me home they would not listen,my mum had died suddenly at the age of 56,when I was 28 weeks pregnant so they kept saying all these pains and unusual aches I was getting were down to my grieving for my mum,then at 40 weeks and 2 days I went to bed and woke up suddenly because the bed was shaking,as I sat up I realised it was me not my bed that was shaking ,it really scared me so I went to phone someone as I was alone with my 8 and 5 year old children,I
rang my sister who came straight away, and the hospital who sent an ambulance,I started being sick I couldn't control it,when the ambulance arrived my sister took my children to her house while they took me to hospital,my boyfriend arrived just as the ambulance was pulling away from the house so he followed it to the hospital where they just stuck me in a room for ages then came and put on a monitor to check baby's heartbeat,I had to hold it on as it kept dissappearing when the nurse came in I told her the heartbeat was irregular but she just said the baby must be moving,I kept saying that baby wasn't moving when it kept stopping but she assured me that was the reason,I was there hours before a doctor came in and then it wasn't my doctor she didn't come in till the next morning,when she said I could go home,because I had stopped being sick,I refussed and said "there is something wrong I can feel it",she then said "right I will induce your labour and prove to you that your baby is fine",which they did at 4.30 pm,I had been in hospital since 11pm the night before,17 and a half hours I had been there! the pains started coming very fast but not much happening so they sent Paul home and gave me some sleeping pills,the nurse said "these will knock you out so you will
get some sleep before the birth",they didn't touch me I stayed wide awake,at 2am the midwife who was looking after me now came and examined me I was fully diallated but she could not feel the baby's head when she gave me an internal, she went to get the on call registrar doctor who came and gave me an internal too and said he wasn't happy ,baby wasn't coming down the birth canal and he would need to do an emergency c section, which they did, 5 mins later my gorgeous girl was born,I came round
from the general anesthetic, Paul was holding her,she was so beautiful,I had been worrying for nothing thank god,I kissed her and then the nurse took her off Paul and said she wasn't breathing she then started to resuscitate her which they had done already 4 times while I was still asleep,they then took her to the special babycare unit.I asked to go with her but they said no I had to go on the ward cause of my opp,I was so upset not knowing what was happening to her,I wanted to be with her,next morning they told us the bad news that my gorgeous girl had the worst brain damage they had seen in 20 years and would not survive infact she should have been stillborn,my doctor came
to see me and she sat on the side of my bed her eyes all welled up and she apologised for what had happened ,all the nurses told us to sue but I didn't want to spend her life fighting a court case,I just wanted to love her for however long God would let me keep her ,and that is what I did,
The next eight years passed so quickly,but were full of love,I tried to make every deal with God when we were told there was nothing more they could do in hospital,but he had already decided he needed the most beautiful angel and I could not change his mind no matter how hard I begged and prayed,leaving us all devastated,and time definately does not heal when you lose your child,you just become a very good actress when you are out, and learn to live feeling like your heart's been ripped out and put through a blender,without showing it to others,but it's a different story behind closed doors,when everyone is home except one.I will never say "goodbye" to my Kirsten I just say "see you soon my darling,when it's my turn to come". nannan will look after you till then, xxXXXxx xxXXXxx
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You are welcome to read Kirstens story on her page.
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♥ "I think about how much I miss her, and start to feel sorry for myself... but then I think about all the people who never got the chance to meet her, and I start to feel sorry for them." ♥
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