Alex. Mummy And Daddy

i lost a baby much wanted and needed and planed. i feel that a part of you dies and never except it just learn how to live with it and even that's challenging. i am at the very start of the grieving part as i just lost my daughter Alex Jan 09 and just had her funeral Fri past. i feel since her funeral it all seems so much more real and i have more pain than ever like a pain in the top of your tummy that want go away like a big hole. i think what happens to us it so cruel and unforgiving but Ive been thinking alot. my theory is mummys and daddys have children their kids grow up and before you know it your a grandparent then go to heaven with old age your kids then follow with old age. the difference with pairnts that lose a baby is when we go to heaven our babies are waiting on us that are still babies we get to re life what we would and should have had hear on earth then our other children follow that are adults. i hope I'm right as this makes me smile. i will see my daughter again as a baby that laughs when i tickle her. the morning of Alex funeral i seen her not in a dream nor day dreaming i cant explain it but i seen grass, alex the size she was when born and her white baby grow on with her hands up at her chest running like a toddler giggling like she was getting chased it was so beautiful to see and brought me big comfort. as all i used to say was what is she in heaven a crying baby a baby that needs to be treated like a new born it broke my heart but i got my answer shes happy i don't know who gifted me to see this but I'm grateful. my gran died of cancer the day i conceived and the day of my grans funeral i found out i was pregnant and my grandad past away when i was 16 he brought me up as one of his own daughters. so i know my granny and grandad will look after her now just as if it was one of their own daughters. also the day of my daughters funeral i had an a4 size picture frame of her to go on display for her service when the picture got picked up it cracked right up the middle i was so shocked as it had not been touched or dropped i'm sure it was her that done it to let me know she was with me.