I'm a mama, that's my job & love in life. I'm also a wife & a woman, but my first name is always Mama. From time to time I hear people say how strong or brave they see me, for living everyday & able to laugh still after having so many of my kids die in my arms but I don't think of it as brave or strong, just no other choice of what to do besides take it one day at a time. I gave up on trying to make sense of the pain & just live day to day in the best way I see possible at that time. Now I've got 2 kids walking the earth with me so I have to smile for them no matter whats in my heart. most days I can deal with it, out of habit or what not sure but I do somehow, but even on the dark days I know my babies are right beside me walking in my shadow, holding my hand. As for knowing what gender my babies were, ultrasounds told me the multiples (& in some of them, the sexes) but unfortunately I never thought it'd be the only picture I'd have of some of them or I'd of had them print out pictures for me. couple of them I made it to 4 1/2 mos but most of them were between 9 & 14 weeks. as for the sexes, every time I've gotten pregnant then I just 'knew' what sex the baby was, just a very strong, definate feeling each time. with the ones that made it long enough to tell & with the 2 that were born alive then I could tell I'd been right. I named all of them, even the youngest ones, cause I know they are real people so it didn't feel right to let them die without a name.
