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I know and understand what you mean although I look on Naomis daily I dont always feel the need to write something, Its good that you dont need to do that as you should know we dont need to put our feelings on here babes, Harry gets your messages of love from those who are looking after him for you.
We are doing ok, I have now lost my job, its a long story but they put me thru hell for a year, and with the use of this site, copied and edited my words You wouldnt believe how I have been treated, but I believe strongly that Naomi has been looking out for me and there is reason behind it all I feel heaps better and Im now going to move on and leave that shower well and truly behind me, My future is hopefully going to be a brighter one under the circumstances and I know Naomi is helping all she can
Im here for you anytime hunny, The first years of everything is the hardest and that is an easy cross to bear after losing our children Its them popping in to say Im here I see another child around you Gemma Not to replace Harry but to bring you love and affection from Harry and you being a you mum should experience that Dont be afraid to try again babes, You must and you will when the time is right.
Much Love and Big Big Hugs
XXXX
Hi Gem
hows it going, hoping your holding up hun, some days are tougher than others but I know you will be making Harry proud. I will ask Naomi to call and give him a hug and kiss from his mummy I know she gets her messages and will do that for you.
Take care hunny,
XXX
Thanx for your positive message.
Remember I am over 5 months ahead of you on this journey (which is a long time) and that it's different for everyone, but you WILL get there one day when the time is right and you are ready. Harrison would want you to live life to the fullest as he sees through your eyes now, and one day you will. He would not want you sad and heartbroken forever.
I spoke to another angel Mum who basically gave me the permission I needed to let Joshua go (as I would not have taken advice from anyone who had not been there themselves). Also she did tell me truthfully that you can still feel the love for your baby without feeling so much of the raw pain. Grief is not forever but love is and love never ends. I will never forget my son and think of him every single day, but now it is with more peace and thankfulness and less anger and hurt. When bad things happen, we can either get better of get bitter and sadly I have encountered some sites on here where it seems the loved-ones have let it spoil things for themselves and their remaining relationships many years on. I think it is fair that Joshua does not need so much of me or my time as my living son and husband, and one day we will all be back together. Also God forbid if anything ever happened to my living son or husband I would wish I had made the most of every second I had with them whist I had the chance - and I can't do that if I am always preoccupied with still doing things for Josh (which is really doing them for myself). Hope that makes sense. I am not saying I am magically better because of course I am not, and there will always be a space now that nothing and noone can fill, and I still miss my baby. But it is getting better nad I cna se the light at the end of the tunnel. Keep trudging on and one day you will see that tiny glimmer also, and it will grow and you will feel the warmth of it and one day the tunnel will be behind you in the past - still visible, but you won't be in it anymore. Trust me that you will get there one day, because Harrison wants you to and you seserve to. Our babies have made us the people we are today and though we can never be the same as we once were, hopefully we are alittle more compassionate as there really is more room in a broken heart. Already I appreciate my son James more and give him extra hugs and kisses and feel blessedand grateful. so thank you Joshua for that.
Much love to you nd your family and of course your beautiful angel son Harrison. Remember also that others wohn't and can't know what you've been through or will necessarily remember his birthday etc, but really it soes not matter because he WAS here and he was real and wheter or not others know that doesn't change or diminish the facts. He isreal to me though and I think he is incredibly lovely - you should be proud. You must have been chosen to be an angel Mummy because you were strong enough and you had that extra love to give him. you are a special and brave Mummy and you're doing fantastically well ocnsidering how recent it all still is for you. Ignore what anyone else thinks - something like this will take a lifetime to really get through and past but over time you get used to carrying the load. Like that poem "Pair of Shoes" (see Brayden Hawkes' page - I think it's part of his eulogy).
Remember you are not alone in this journey. Also I am on Facebook (Rachel Mayes Bass) if you ever want to chat in future. I'd love to hear how you are getting on Honey. Take care of yourself.
Rachel xxxxxx
Im so terrbly sorry Gemma what a beautiful little boy. I know no words of comfort will make how you feel better. You are you and strong and though you will never forget Harrison you will get through this, it takes time and there is no rush You deal with this how you want to and dont let anyone tell you how to. Do what you feel is right for you. Its so nice to hear from you of course I remember you, one of Naomis friends, I just wish it was under better circumstances. Thank you for thinking about us. You take care hunny. Much Love XXX Bev XXX
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