Fiona Braithwaite

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I am Fiona, Mummy to 3 beautiful little boys, Living children Cameron who is 6 and Bradley who is 4 and then theres Bailey.. My very own special angel.. Bailey was called to the angels aged just 11 Months old, 3 weeks before he would have celebrated his 1st birthday

Its been a long 17 Months since he died and I wont lie and say it gets easier because it doesnt.. All I want in life is to hold my precious boy again, and knowing I cant fills me with dread..

Night Night Darling x


I wish Bailey hadn't died. I wish I had him back
I wish you wouldn't be afraid to speak his name. Bailey lived and was very important to me. I need to hear that he was important to you as well.
If I cry and get emotional when you talk about Bailey, I wish you knew that it isn't because you have hurt me. Baileys death is the cause of my tears. You have talked about Bailey, and you have allowed me to share my grief. I thank you for both.
I wish you wouldn't "kill" Bailey again by removing his pictures, artwork, or other remembrances from your home.
Being a bereaved parent is not contagious, so I wish you wouldn't shy away from me. I need you more than ever.
I need diversions, so I do want to hear about you; but I also want you to hear about me. I might be sad and I might cry, but I wish you would let me talk about Bailey, my favorite topic of the day.
I know that you think of and pray for me often. I also know that Baileys death pains you, too. I wish you would let me know things through a phone call, a card or a note, or a real big hug.
I wish you wouldn't expect my grief to be over in six months. These first months are traumatic for me, but I wish you could understand that my grief will never be over. I will suffer the death of Bailey until the day I die.
I am working very hard in my recovery, but I wish you could understand that I will never fully recover. I will always miss Bailey, and I will always grieve that he is dead.
I wish you wouldn't expect me "not to think about it" or to "be happy". Neither will happen for a very long time so don't frustrate yourself.
I don't want to have a "pity party," but I do wish you would let me grieve. I must hurt before I can heal.
I wish you understood how my life has shattered. I know it is miserable for you to be around me when I'm feeling miserable. Please be as patient with me as I am with you.
When I say, "I'm doing okay," I wish you could understand that I don't feel okay and that I struggle daily.
I wish you knew that all of the grief reactions I'm having are very normal. Depression, anger, hopelessness and overwhelming sadness are all to be expected. So please excuse me when I'm quiet and withdrawn or irritable and cranky.
Your advice to "take one day at a time" is excellent. I wish you could understand that I'm doing good to handle him at an hour at a time.
I wish you understood that grief changes people. When Bailey died, a big part of me died with him. I am not the same person I was before he died, and I will never be that person again.
I wish very much that you could understand - understand my loss and my grief, my silence and my tears, my void and my pain. But I pray daily that you will never understand.


WHY

I FEEL SO DOWN
AND EMPTY INSIDE,
MY PAIN CONTINUALLY
HARD TO HIDE.

I FEEL SO SAD
AND LONELY TO,
LIVING THIS LIFE
IT'S HARD.. WITHOUT YOU.

I FEEL SO ANGRY
THAT LIFE TOOK YOU,
IT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE
I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO.

EACH DAY SEEM'S PIONTLESS
LIKE LIVING A LIE,
I LONG FOR MY END
UNTIL THEN, I ASK "WHY".