About me
.• *♥*•. Inside - Angel .• *♥*•.
Inside my mind, I am going mad,
inside my eyes, are tears as i'm sad
inside my heart, is a hole so deep
inside my hands, are the tears I weep
Inside my head, are the thoughts of you
inside my chest, is pain, it's true
Inside my ears, I hear a heart beat
inside my mouth, I miss you, words I repeat
inside of me, I hold the Love
To send to you Angel, up in heaven above
.• *♥*•...... • *♥*•......• *♥*•
.......by Lisa Heritage........
.• *♥*•...... • *♥*•......• *♥*•..
{{HUGS}} and THANKS TO BARBARA FOR THE BEAUTIFUL PHOTOS X
TUESDAY 5th MAY 2009.
MY BROTHER AND HIS FAMILY HAVE BEEN UP WITH US IN THE HOSPITAL FROM FIRST THING. THEY BROUGHT UP RYAN'S PRAM SO I CAN TAKE HIM UP AND DOWN THE WARDS JUST TO GET OUT OF THE STUFFY ROOM. MY SISTER SAT WITH RYAN WHILE I WENT OUTSIDE FOR AN HOUR WITH MUM. VALERIE ( FROM "HORIZON HOUSE" THE CHILDRENS HOSPICE NORTHERN IRELAND ) VISITED US THIS EVENING TO EXPLAIN WHAT THE HOSPICE COULD OFFER US, IN THAT THEY COULD HELP TAKE SOME OF THE PRESSURE OFF, IT MEANS THAT SAM COULD STAY WITH ME AND RYAN, AND RYAN WOULD GET THE SPECIAL CARE THAT HE NEEDS.
2nd APRIL 2009.
SATURDAY. . THE JOURNEY BACK TO COLERAINE WASN'T PLEASENT, WE FELT THAT ONCE THE ROYAL HAD GOT THEIR BI - OP FOR THE GENETICS DEPARTMENT, WE WERE JUST TURFFED OUT. WE DON'T KNOW MUCH OTHER THAN RYAN'S CONDITION IS VERY RARE, NEVER SEEN IN NORTHERN IRELAND AND THERE IS NO KNOWING HOW LONG OUR WEE MAN WILL BE WITH US. WE ARE IN ANOTHER PRIVATE ROOM AND ONE PARTICULAR NURSE THINKS I'M FOR GOING HOME, SHE HAS ANOTHER THING COMING, I AM NOT LEAVING MY BABIES SIDE. I'D SLEEP ON THE FLOOR IF I HAVE TO. . . . . .
3rd APRIL 2009.
SUNDAY . . RYAN HAD A UNSETTLED NIGHT. MUM RANG EARLY TO SAY THAT OUR MINISTER ( GARETH ) WAS COMING UP AFTER SUNDAY SERVICE TO BAPTIZE OUR WEE SOLIDER, I CRIED THE WHOLE TIME. ALL THE FAMILY CAME UP IN THE AFTERNOON BRINGING US A ROAST DINNER, YOU DONT REALISE THAT YOU CAN CONTINUE WITHOUT ANYTHING MUCH TO EAT AND VERY LITTLE SLEEP WHEN YOU ARE IN A VERY DISTRESSING SITUATION, BUT MY WEE MAN COMES FIRST AND IM NOT FOR MISSING ONE MINUTE SPENT WITH HIM.
1st MAY 2009 ( FROM DIARY )
FRIDAY. OUR WEE MAN IS MORE SETTLED TODAY, STILL BLOATED AND HOT BUT NOT LOOKING LIKE HE'S IN AS MUCH PAIN. RATHER THAN BE PUT ONTO ANY WARD WE REQUESTED THAT WE BE TRANSFERED BACK TO COLERAINE HOSPITAL . STAFF TRYING HARD TO GET IT SORTED AS IT IS A BANK HOLIDAY WEEKEND. ANDY, COLLY AND SAM UP TO HELP ORGANIZE THINGS. I JUST CAN'T TAKE IN WHAT'S HAPPENING AROUND US, THE FACT THAT THE CHAPLIN BLESSED RYAN BEFORE OUR JOURNEY BACK AND THE MATTER OF FACT WAY THAT THESE PEOPLE ARE BEHAVING AROUND ME JUST MAKES ME WANT TO SCREAM.
30th APRIL 2009.
IT'S THURSDAY. ( FROM DIARY ) STILL AT THE ROYAL VICTORIA HOSPITAL IN THE CHILDREN'S ICU. MY WEE SOLDIER HAS JUST SLEPT MOST OF THE NIGHT AND DAY, I CAN ONLY SIT BY HELPLESS. WE WERE PUT INTO A PRIVATE ROOM, THE ONLY THING THE STAFF CAN DO IS FEED RYAN A LOW PROTEIN DIET THROUGH A TUBE. TODAY IS SO HARD AS THEY WANT TO JUST TRANSFER US TO ANOTHER WARD, ANY WARD. I WANT OUR WEE MAN HOME, I WANT US ALL TO GO HOME BUT IT'S NOT LOGICAL. MY BABY BRO IS FLYING HOME TODAY TO BE WITH US. COLLY & DEE BROUGHT MUM UP TO BE WITH RYAN, SAM, YANKEE AN ME, THEN THEY ARE GOING TO AIRPORT TO LIFT ANDY.
29th APRIL 2009 ( FROM DIARY )
IT'S WEDNESDAY. LAST NIGHT WAS A LONG LONELY NIGHT. RYAN HAD BEEN FOR ANOTHER OPERATION AND NO ONE BOTHERED TO COME AND SEE ME TO LET ME KNOW HOW IT WENT, I HAD TO GO AND LOOK FOR SOMEONE AT 3am. WE WERE TAKEN IN AND GIVEN THE WORST NEWS EVER, RYAN WAS VERY ILL AND WASN'T GOING TO MAKE IT. THE FAMILY WERE ALL CALLED FOR. ALL THE MACHINES WERE TAKEN AWAY EXCEPT FOR THE FEEDING TUBE AND WE WERE ( RYAN & MYSELF ) MOVED TO A SMALL ROOM TO THE SIDE.
28th APRIL 2009 ( FROM DIARY )
IT'S TUESDAY. I HAD TO LEAVE RYAN FOR THE VERY FIRST TIME AT THE ROYAL VICTORIA HOSPITAL YESTERDAY, AS I NEEDED TO COME HOME AND SPEND TIME WITH SAM, TRY TO EXPLAIN TO HIM THAT RYAN IS ILL AND THAT THEY DON'T KNOW WHAT IS WRONG? RETURNED TO THE ROYAL AS RYAN HAD TO GET AN OP TO INSERT THE DIALYSIS TUBE. MY WEE MAN IS SO VERY ILL.
♥ PLEASE, PLEASE READ ♥ 21st April 2013.
OM GOODNESS, I AM SO OVER WHEALMED BY THE KINDNESS AND LOVE YOU HAVE SHOWN RYAN, MYSELF AND OUR LITTLE FAMILY. I WANT TO THANK ALL MY DEAREST FRIENDS HERE FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART FOR EVERYTHING THAT YOU HAVE DONE TO HELP MAKE YESTERDAY AS GENTLE AS IS POSSIBLE, FOR THE CONSTANT SUPPORT I CAN ONLY GET FROM MY GTS FRIENDS. I WILL TAKE THE DAY TO READ ALL YOUR MESSAGE'S AND POEMS, VERSES AND VIEW EACH AND EVERY PICTURE YOU HAVE SO KINDLY TAKEN THE TIME TO CREATE. YOU AND YOUR ANGLES MEAN SO MUCH TO ME. LOVE ALWAYS, elaine x
20TH APRIL 2013.
AM GOING TO DO THE "NOTHERN IRELAND CHILDRENS HOSPICE" SPONSERED WALK TODAY AT "PORTSTEWART STRAND" IN MEMORY OF OUR PRECIOUS WEE MAN.
LOVE YOU MY DARLING BABY BOY XO
19- 4- 2013.
ON THIS DAY 4 YEARS AGO. . . MONDAY, 19th APRIL 2009. I HAVE BEEN HAVING NIGGLING PAINS ON AND OFF ALL DAY. I WAS BOOKED IN TO HAVE A SECTION ON WEDNESDAY 21st APRIL 2009 BUT KNOW IN MY HEART THAT YOU ARE NOT GOING TO WAIT UNTILL THEN. RESTING MOST OF THE DAY, SAM OUT PLAYING WITH HIS FRIENDS. XO
17-4-2013.
Having another really bad day. Got up with good intentions but mid day had to go back to bed. I still cant see why? you didn't get to stay, we have sooo much love for you.
15- 4- 2013.
♥ MY PRECIOUS BABY BOY ♥ FOUR YEARS AGO TODAY ( WED 15- 4- 2009 ). SAM WAS STILL ON HIS EASTER HOLIDAYS. I WAS AT MY LAST ANTI-NATAL APPOINTMENT AND YOU WERE, SAFE, WELL AND IT WAS JUST A WAITING GAME FOR YOUR ARRIVAL ♥
13th APRIL
THIS PHOTO IS THE SECOND ONE THAT WAS TAKEN, OF OUR PRECIOUS WEE MAN AFTER HIS BIRTH.
11th APRIL 2013.
FOUR YEARS AGO OUR OLD HOME WAS GIVIN A FRESH LICK OF PAINT, SET UP READY FOR THE ARRIVAL OF MY SECOND PRECIOUS BABY BOY. FOUR YEARS MIGHT HAVE PASSED BUT I STILL REMEMBER THAT EXCITED FEELING, LOOKING FORWARD SO MUCH TO YOUR ARRIVAL. ALL OUR HOPES AND DREAMS SOON TO BE FOREFILLED!
Pain
Within me I carry a pain,
How will my life ever be the same?
It was going to be filled with joy and love,
But now you are playing with the Angels above,
No one told me how cruel life could be,
I have since learnt that since the day you went away from me,
All the plans I had for you,
Now they will never become true,
So how can my life ever be the same?
For within me I carry a pain.
copyright @ sandy
...............................I'm mummy to two very special boy's my beautiful eldest son and my precious baby boy Ryan (the reason why i'm here)........
♥*。*ಌ 。*。★ಌ ☆。♥
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╚╗╔╝║║╔═╦╦╦═╗║║║
╔╝╚╗║╚╣║║║║╩╣║║║
╚══╝╚═╩═╩═╩═╝╚═╝ ♥ SAM + RYAN ♥............................................
♥ *。*ಌ 。*。★ಌ ☆。♥
........Sam is a handsome typical teenager, attitude, bad manners and a bedroom like a bomb site..........But he is also turning out to be a caring, loving, mannerly and head-strong young person.............He is my world and i don't know where i would be today if it wasn't for him.......................
............ I Promised him that "I will do my best", it wont always be easy, but he is all i have and what keeps me going.........................................
........ Ryan is also beautiful and was so cruelly taken from us on Monday 11th of May 2009 at 2.20am, a morning that will stay with me until the day i die.......................................
......... ,.*`,.*`, ♥ INTO MY ARMS YOU WERE GIVEN ♥
♥ IN MY ARMS YOU WERE TAKEN ♥ ,.*`,.*`, .............
I lost my precious baby boy on monday 11th may 2009 at 2.20am in "Horizon House" The Children's Hospice Newtownabbey, Our beautiful Ryan was 3wks old, and i miss him so so much.
Ryan was born a perfect 7lb 15oz's on monday 20th april 2009 at 4.30pm exactly 9months to the day, the only thing that the nurses told us was Ryan had tongue tie.
Because i had my wee man by caesarean section Ryan didnt spend his first night with me instead he was in the nursery.
The next day i just had a feeling that there was something wrong but was made to believe it was just me!
Ryan brought up his bottles and i dont just mean a small amount i insisted he was bringing up all his bottle ! ! ! !
On the wednesday Ryan was checked over by a paedatrician and we went home, i still had a bad feeling (but thought they are the professionals!)
My wee man didnt seem to want his bottles, still bringing them up again, he was very lethargic, and was jaundice.
We took Ryan back to Coleraine hospital were another paedatrician looked him over a few hours later they told me that they were keeping Ryan, i wasnt for going anywhere so i stayed by his side, Ryan was put into an incubator and we were put onto the children's ward.
All sorts of tests were run and still no reason was diagnosed, all i knew, was my beautiful baby son was very poorly.
In the early hours of sunday the 27th of april Ryan was rushed to "The Royal" childrens ICU in Belfast, i wasn't able to travel with them so had to ring my sisiter. we now know that Ryan had to be resuscitated on the way there.
It was another few hours before i could see my little boy,and when we did he was wired up to all sorts and was looking so ill, we were distraught.
Find it very hard to go on but Ryan suffered from a rare genetic disorder named citrullimenia, my partner and i carry this gene but have no symptons ourselves,
but our genes together caused our wee soldier to suffer this horrible condition.
It's 3years since Ryan was taken from us, i still feel empty,angry and find it hard to keep going. I have my older son to think of and the only reason I'm here. He is finding it hard to because he wanted his wee brother so much.
Thank-you for letting me share my story. Ryan will always be our beautiful baby son and brother. I will always love and miss him till the day i die . . . . . . .
♥ڿڰۣಌ♥ڿڰۣಌ♥ڿڰۣಌ♥ڿڰۣಌ♥ڿڰۣಌ♥ڿڰۣಌ♥ڿڰۣಌ♥ڿڰۣಌ♥ڿڰۣಌ♥ڿڰۣಌ♥ڿڰۣಌ
20/4/2012.
♥ ~ RYAN ~ ♥
Today is your birthday Sweetheart,
I'm sad because there are no cards, no presents, no cake or balloons.
All i have are tears and the pain that you are not here with us,
My love for you is stronger now than on that day you were born.
The link in our family's chain has been broken and nothing can fill
the space left in my heart.
Always Your Broken Hearted Mummy xo . . . . . . . .
♥ڿڰۣಌ♥ڿڰۣಌ♥ڿڰۣಌ♥ڿڰۣಌ♥ڿڰۣಌ♥ڿڰۣಌ♥ڿڰۣಌ♥ڿڰۣಌ♥ڿڰۣಌ♥ڿڰۣಌ♥ڿڰۣಌ
╔╗╔╗************╔╦╗
║║║╠═╦╦╦═╗║║║
║║║║╬║║║╩╣║║║
╚╝╚╩═╩═╩═╝╚═╝
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I LOST ONE OF MY BEAUTIFUL COMPANIONS THIS WEEK
♥ಌ Tiddels ಌ♥
20th September 2001 - Thursday 1st March 2012 5.14pm
ಌ♥ Will love and miss you so much Beloved Princess ♥ಌ xoxoxox
♥ڿڰۣಌ♥ڿڰۣಌ♥ڿڰۣಌ♥ڿڰۣಌ♥ڿڰۣಌ♥ڿڰۣಌ♥ڿڰۣಌ♥ڿڰۣಌ♥ڿڰۣಌ♥ڿڰۣಌ♥ڿڰۣಌ
For The Time We Spent....I LOVE YOU RYAN and MISS YOU SO
Aerosmith, Armageddon, "Don't wanna miss a thing" Steven Tyler
:
I could stay awake just to hear you breathing
Watch you smile while you are sleeping
While you're far away dreaming
I could spend my life in this sweet surrender
I could stay lost in this moment forever
Every moment spent with you is a moment I treasure
Don't want to close my eyes
I dont want to fall asleep
Cause I'd miss you baby
And I dont want to miss a thing
Cause even when I dream of you
The sweetest dream will never do
I'd still miss you baby
And I dont want to miss a thing
Lying close to you feeling your heart beating
And I'm wondering what youre dreaming
Wondering if its me youre seeing
Then I kiss your eyes
And thank God were together
I just want to stay with you in this moment forever
Forever and ever
Don't want to close my eyes
I dont want to fall asleep
Cause I'd miss you baby
And I dont want to miss a thing
Cause even when I dream of you
The sweetest dream will never do
I'd still miss you baby
And I dont want to miss a thing
I dont want to miss one smile
I dont want to miss one kiss
I just want to be with you
Right here with you, just like this
I just want to hold you close
Feel your heart so close to mine
And just stay here in this moment
For all the rest of time
Don't want to close my eyes
I dont want to fall asleep
Cause I'd miss you baby
And I dont want to miss a thing
Cause even when I dream of you
The sweetest dream will never do
I'd still miss you baby
And I dont want to miss a thing
Don't want to close my eyes
I dont want to fall asleep
I dont want to miss a thing . . . . . . . . . . . .
♥ڿڰۣಌ♥ڿڰۣಌ♥ڿڰۣಌ♥ڿڰۣಌ♥ڿڰۣಌ♥ڿڰۣಌ♥ڿڰۣಌ♥ڿڰۣಌ♥ڿڰۣಌ♥ڿڰۣಌ♥ڿڰۣಌ
.............Ryan means the world to us and we just cannot get over the loss of our Precious, Beautiful, little Baby Boy. (GONE TOO SOON)..................
♥ڿڰۣಌ♥ڿڰۣಌ♥ڿڰۣಌ♥ڿڰۣಌ♥ڿڰۣಌ♥ڿڰۣಌ♥ڿڰۣಌ♥ڿڰۣಌ♥ڿڰۣಌ♥ڿڰۣಌ♥ڿڰۣಌ
...♥..........(¨ `v´¨ )
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.................|*` `*|...♥
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.~*\ .............~**~...~*\../`*~.~**~-,
.\.....\¸,.~*\/..../\.....\.....V...../...(_)...\..♥
..\.............\.....\/..../.\........./\......¸,.~*
....\¸,.~.*♥´¨..`.-.,¸¸,.-`..\,¸¸,./.......,¸¸,`.\ . ♥.My Precious Wee Man With All My Heart And Soul xoxo.......................................................................
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...*......L٥ﻻ ﻉ√٥υ f٥гﻉ√ﻉr..xx...*
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♥ڿڰۣಌ♥ڿڰۣಌ♥ڿڰۣಌ♥ڿڰۣಌ♥ڿڰۣಌ♥ڿڰۣಌ♥ڿڰۣಌ♥ڿڰۣಌ♥ڿڰۣಌ♥ڿڰۣಌ♥ڿڰۣಌ . . . . . . . .
-------♥♥-----
----♥♥-♥♥---- ´*•.¸(*•.¸♥¸.•*´)¸.•*´
---♥♥---♥♥--- Put This On Your
---♥♥---♥♥--- Profile If You Know
---♥♥---♥♥--- Someone Who Died
----♥♥-♥♥---- Of cancer And
-----♥♥♥----- You Love Very Much
----♥♥-♥♥---- .¸.•*(¸.•*´♥`*•.¸)`*•.¸
---♥♥---♥♥---
--♥♥-----♥♥--
♥ Aunt Mary ♥ 07/07/1992
♥ Granny Glass (Lena) ♥ 15/02/1993
♥ Aunt Agnes ♥ 24/11/2001
♥ Granny White (Rya) ♥ 21/07/2010
♥ڿڰۣಌ♥ڿڰۣಌ♥ڿڰۣಌ♥ڿڰۣಌ♥ڿڰۣಌ♥ڿڰۣಌ♥ڿڰۣಌ♥ڿڰۣಌ♥ڿڰۣಌ♥ڿڰۣಌ♥ڿڰۣಌ . . . . . . .
Put this dog on
.//^ ^\\ your status
._/''*''\_ that you are
(,,,)^(,,,) Against Animal Cruelty.......................................................
♥ڿڰۣಌ♥ڿڰۣಌ♥ڿڰۣಌ♥ڿڰۣಌ♥ڿڰۣಌ♥ڿڰۣಌ♥ڿڰۣಌ♥ڿڰۣಌ♥ڿڰۣಌ♥ڿڰۣಌ♥ڿڰۣಌ
♥..A SMALL TRIBUTE TO MY SPECIAL CHILDHOOD BRO ♥ LADDIE ♥
..............You were always there for me when i was young, you brought us all so much joy, happiness and laughter. Love You Lot's and Miss You Load's, xoxo ♥
♥ڿڰۣಌ♥ڿڰۣಌ♥ڿڰۣಌ♥ڿڰۣಌ♥ڿڰۣಌ♥ڿڰۣಌ♥ڿڰۣಌ♥ڿڰۣಌ♥ڿڰۣಌ♥ڿڰۣಌ♥ڿڰۣಌ.....
