hi its now 6 months since i lost my darling bill. although i was beginning to cope a little bit better this last week i feel as though i am back in feb when it first happened. the pain is unbearable i have a constant churning in my stomach i feel irratable i cant settle and am constantly crying again. i think it is a combination of ive just had my birthday and it was also our 7th wedding aniversary on the same day. i went away for my birthday with my mam and friends and feel guilty to say that i enjoyed it. in september it will be bill's birthday and i am constantly thinking of that new hurdle. i did go to the doctors yesterday for advice and did feel better after talking to him. i am thinking of counselling but feel abit anxious about it. i just wish someone could take this pain away. i dreamt about bill the other night. it was so real. he was with my dad and he had come back to me. it was so vivid he couldnt explain where he had been. i wish i could look into a crystal ball and see if this will get any easier and when. love to all xxx
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RE: 6 months on feel like ive hit a brick wall
Bless you jayne, i know its hard at the moment,
but i promise you it will get easier,
you will nether forget bill or stop loving him, but the hurt dose get easier,
i lost my mum 6 years ago, she was my best friend and my tower to lean on when i was down,
she helped me and my husband get threw so many sad times as i lost two babies at the end of my pregnancies, and i am also disabled and she was the one that eased my pain,
their will always be a song or something that will remind you of good times with bill, and in time you will look at those moments with a smile on your face,
i wish i could help you more, but it is true that time helps with the pain, please don't feel too anxious about counselling they do help,
sending you a big hug and lots of love,
from tina xxx
RE: 6 months on feel like ive hit a brick wall
Sorry to hear u are having a rough time. Jason only been gone 2 months but some days me and kids have a normal day but then the guilt hits you. I hope you get through this stage soon. Take care x
RE: 6 months on feel like ive hit a brick wall
Dear Jayne
Bless you, I hit the same wall after about 6 months when I lost my darling wife at this point I could not see any future, however, there is and time does march on, the hurt will be with you but it does lessen. Even though I have been without Jan for just over three years now I still think of her everyday and yes I do get a little weepy still, it is only natural to miss someone that you loved dearly, but love goes on in heaven as it does here on earth and most nights I send her a kiss as i did when she was with me, love is everlasting.
I have my memories now and as I walk around places we used to go together I see not tears or guilt I see smiles and I feel the love we had and I believe still have for each other.
God bless you Jayne take care.
Phil x
RE: 6 months on feel like ive hit a brick wall
its 8mnths since my dougie was taken to heaven. i really do know how you feel,my heart feels for you. i think to myself i want this hurt in my heart to go away but then i say to myself i dont want it to go away because if the hurt went it would mean im over my grieving and i am forgetting my loss. so for me i want that hurt heart to stay then ive got my dougie always. xxxxx jackie xxxxxxxxxxxx
RE: 6 months on feel like ive hit a brick wall
The first year is the hardest! I'm not sure if it gets easier or you get more numb, but somehow it doesn't hurt so much after a few years... and you'll get through it even though you think you won't... one day at a time.
It's hard when your birthday and anniversary are on the same day. Michael's birthday is today (Aug. 22) and our anniversary was a week ago (Aug. 15)... it's a tough week. The holidays will be hard too. Cry when you need to, laugh when you need to. It's YOUR grief, don't let anyone else tell you how you should feel or what you should do (including counseling).
Six months was a turning point for me... I was sitting at home, alone, feeling sorry for myself and wishing Michael was there with me... then I pictured him there, getting really pissed off at me because I was sitting there feeling sorry for myself and not enjoying my life. I know that he loved me so unselfishly that he would want me to have fun and not mope and waste the precious life I had left.
My son and I talk about Daddy everyday. We miss him very much, but we know what he would want for us and try to honor him by living our lives to the fullest.
Take care of yourself (easier said than done!)
Amy
RE: 6 months on feel like ive hit a brick wall
thankyou all for all your kind words. i am feeling a little better and know bill would want me to try and enjoy life for the both of us. things feel so unfair at the moment but i am hoping things will get a little easier soon. take care everyone xxxxx
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