I have a son who is almost three and i have another son who passed away on january 10th 2012..he was born 13 weeks early and he developed a bowel condition which he had surgery for and as a result of been on the ventilator he developed chronic lung disease . He battled to stay with us. in may this year we found out that we were expecting again..part of me was happy but a huge part of me felt gulity and that it was too soon. Im currently 27 weeks...the same stage as when i had my second baby last year and people always notice my bump an ask how many kids do you have..i never say one and one on way i believe i keep his spirit alive by including him in my conversations so i always say no its my third and i explain...dont think for one minute its easy telling people what happened to my beautiful angel baby oliver cause its so hard....but so is the question when its asked..i have to take a big gulp and explain...people always say to me ooo one of each as im expecting a girl this time an that hurts too cause i have to correct people by saying well actually ive boys and a girl on way....i miss my oliver so much xxx
RE: telling people how many children i have hurts x
Michelle, I am sorry for your loss. It is hard question and that is so seemingly innoucent but causes us such great pain. I always say I have one angel son who is in heaven. It certainly isn't easy to say but I will not pretend he didn't exist to make others feel better. Usually after I say that I end up consoling the person who asked as they feel so bad and they don't know what to say. If they ask what happen I try to change the subject as I want to talk about James life, not his passing. I don't think it will ever get easier.
RE: telling people how many children i have hurts x
I understand. And I'm so very sorry for your great loss. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
RE: telling people how many children i have hurts x
I am so sorry for your loss. Everytime people talk about their children, it makes me sad. I had 3 children, now I only have 2. It's a normal question to ask someone: How many children do you have?
I wish I could take your pain away - and everyone's pain who has endured the loss of a child.
My thoughts are with you.
RE: telling people how many children i have hurts x
thank you for your post...you hear and see it happen to other people and i feel so sorry for them as i have a three year old who is happy and healthy and while i was pregnant with my angel oliver a friend lost her unborn daughter and i could only empathise with her i felt lucky that my baby was ok.....then tragedy struck and it happened to me and it feels so surreal like its not happening to you..you think when you wake up everythings normal...but its not...a parent should never out live their child/children i wouldnt wish the pain and heartache of losing a child/baby on anyone...i wish i could shut off and pretend it never happened but it did and im thankful i got 39 special days with my son xxx
RE: telling people how many children i have hurts x
I think every parent who has lost a child wishes they had more time.... It's so sad to think that we only had a short and limited time with our children.
It's not the natural order to lose a child... It's something we cannot comprehend or want to face.
I hope your pain lessens with intensity over time. It will always be there, just like your child is always there with you
RE: telling people how many children i have hurts x
so sorry michelle, I know exactly how you feel it is so hard, but i always say i have four children but lost my youngest, most folk dont ask what happend, if they do, tell them its to painful to talk about, my prayers are with you.xx
RE: telling people how many children i have hurts x
my 15 year old passed on in 2010, I have a 4 year old when people ask I always say I have 2 children, only when they probe about age do I then explain that the other is no more
RE: telling people how many children i have hurts x
I absolutely know what you mean and feel. I have a 7 year old son, i lost my baby angel after 1 day old as she had many serious conditions and struggled to breath. i miss my daughter every single day and that was and will always be the hardest day of my life. I have family and friends that support me but even though its been 2 years, i feel like i have never found myself again. i am proud to say i have had another child since... a beautiful baby girl. but when people say to me, oh its nice to have the 2 children and one of each,i feel anger and i strongly straight away correct peoples assumtions. I actually have 3 children, a boy and 2 girls. am not afraid to say that as it causes me to feel guilty when i have kept quiet and i shouldnt be made to feel like that. People dont know what to say as it is a sad conversations but all 3 of my babies mean the world to me. Leyna-rose may not be with us anymore but she will always be in my mind and apart of my heart.xxx
RE: telling people how many children i have hurts x
I am new here and I saw this post and knew just how you felt. My beautiful girl died two and a half weeks ago from a rare epileptic syndrome. Yesterday someone asked how many children I had and I didn't include her and then felt horribly guilty. I find that most people just don't know what to say so its best if i don't tell them. Should I be worrying about other people? This really is the most awful thing any parent can experience and I don't know how to be?
RE: telling people how many children i have hurts x
im so sorry to hear ur news paula..sweet dreams to ur daughter and i kno to everyone who has replied to this post its so easy not to include our angel babies when answering the question..how many kids do u have its easier not including them as ppl then ask more questions or they feel theu have opened up old wounds but id rather tell them.about my angel oliver i never wanna stop telling people about him and its not that i wany peoples sympathy its i juat wanna keep his memory alive i am pleased to tell people that i found out in may 2012 i was unexpectedly pregnant ahain...unplanned and completely shocked but i now have a 13week old daughter maisy-olivia..a gift sent by my olly..i miss him so much he will never be replaced i love him to the moon and back xxx
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