Does anyone ever feel that lonely that it takes you right to the edge ? Where nothing seems clear and your head seems muddled.
What I'm not understanding is why I'm feeling worse, why my need for my baby is getting unbearable....why do I cry even more and every simple task seems impossible to do. Why do I hate the world and everything it stands for.... why oh why my girl.
I can't remember the easiest things, like what day it is or what I did this morning, it's starting to torment my mind....how would I know if I was having a breakdown. Why after 2 years won't reality sink in, why does my heart say no.
Please could someone tell me if I'm going to be ok........or is this my 'new' life.
RE: Is this my 'new' life ?
julie i know how you feel love thats just the exact way i feel too i just hate this world now and im 2yrs down the track as well and ive not moved a step forward yet either love and i have now got sciatica and in a lot of pain on and off and i really need my janet but shes gone and i dont think i will ever understand why we just dont ever get an answer to that love i keep thinking why me again i had had that loss once with janets husband so why had she to go same way but i dont suppose i will ever know why so yes this must be our new life but i dont like it like you dont love but i know we cant change it either julie all we can do is grin and bear it you just take care love and shout or scream or come on here and talk to people if you need to and hope that one day you will feel able to cope just a tiny bit better with living sending love and hugs your friend frances xxxxxxxxxxx
RE: Is this my 'new' life ?
Hugs to both of you. I feel the same way, I found the second year worst then the first. I think the first year you are still so much in shock and perhaps reality hasn't really set in, also friends and family seem to accept your grieve and don't question it by "you need to start living again" or "don't you think it's time to move on" (my personal experience), I also see James' friends doing things (marriage,kids, something as silly as their first credit card)and it brings all the pain as James' didn't get to do this nor I experience it with him. What this coming year will bring I don't know, they talk about grieve being stages and a journey, perhaps this is what they are talking about. I do know though having caring compassion on line friends that do understand I will some how survive.
RE: Is this my 'new' life ?
thanks sharie yes i agree this second year has been worse and i do believe its reality kicking in there was a lot going on that first year that we didnt really have time to think sending hugs to you too take care frances xxxxxx
RE: Is this my 'new' life ?
I agree with you both that the second year is horrendous, I coped extremely badly, became unable to cope at all and eventually had a heart attack but Josh has been gone for 3 years on 24th of this month and it is only this year that I have started to get my life together. I feel that this probably is as good as it gets and Josh is certainly never off of mind but I have been able to function with him always there. Things are just a little less raw.
I wish you both the very best
RE: Is this my 'new' life ?
Awwwww. . . . .Julie, I'm so sorry this has happened. I don't have any advice but I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Love you bunches!! Please let me know if there is anything I can do to help. All my love, Vicki
RE: Is this my 'new' life ?
I've been in bed all day I had a funny do at work this morning, my legs just gave way and I just fell..... I didn't faint my legs just couldn't hold me up.
I feel in poor health, not just in body but my mind too, simple things just seem impossible. December just totally destroyed all my hard work last year, and as left me feeling beyond help.
Reading about everyones experiences leaves me feeling hopeless, that this life is until I die and I just can't bear it.
thank you for all your comments, I feel totally gutted for any one who loses a child, its just not right......much love to you all ♥
PS...Vicki....you always make me smile : ) ♥ xx
RE: Is this my 'new' life ?
Julie I am so sorry to hear you are having such a rough time. A lot of days I feel the same, is this what life is going to be like for us now. But then something happens that gives me a little glimmer, I don't want to say hope but I don't know how to explain it. So I will give an example, last weekend was James' Angel Day and it was also a surprised birthday party for one of his closed friends who turned 25, I couldn't go and was so upset, why couldn't James get to be 25 then I heard James' friend had a picture board up and amongst those pictures was a picture of the tattoo the friend got in honour of James and a picture of one of James' derby trucks. What makes me smile is James isn't forgotten, his life was far to short but it made a difference, he is remembered. Does that take my pain away no but my son is remembered his legacy lives on and now that is what my purpose in life is, to ensure he is never forgotten.
Sorry this is long, and maybe this doesn't help you at all but you are not alone.
RE: Is this my 'new' life ?
thats really lovely Sharie....I believe anything that brings us comfort as to be a good thing.
I'm just feeling very sad, it will pass and I'm sure I'll be fine again.
Lots of Dan's friends do really lovely things for her, I just don't find them comforting yet. But I'm sure I will one day : )
much love and thank you for sharing ♥
RE: Is this my 'new' life ?
we are all with you julie its not easy but dont despair love sending big hugs xxxxxxx
RE: Is this my 'new' life ?
Hi Julie , I feel that every day is a struggle . I dont seem to have the energy that i had before . Im very forgetfull and hate going places on my own . Im holding back so much i think im going to explode . Carl is on my mind all the time , and its exhausting . I have a younger son that i just cant tollerate but i think its because i have so much going on in my head , i feel sorry for him to have to put up with me being like this . I love my kids so much but im probably not a very nice person to be around at the moment . I get realy upset writing these but it does help getting it off my chest x x lots of love Mandy x x
Connect to GoneTooSoon securely via facebook.
