I lost my babyboy when I was 35 weeks pregnant my placenta arupted he died on the 7 dec 2011 and gave birth on the 8th dec. I keep having flashbacks of being in the hospital and them not being able to find hes heart beat then all the crying starts again, I hate my life and what it as become I feel so sad and upset, iv had to start taking sleeping tablets cus he is all I can think about n wasnt getting asleep till 5am but the tablets are helping me sleep now, all I do is stress at my family and my partner but I dont kno what else to do im also very scared as my sister is due to have her baby next month and im so scared thats gunna even harder becus all we use to talk about was our babies n the stuff we was gunna do with them now I can barely talk to her or look at her cus I just get upset :(
RE: does anyone get flash backs
Paula I am so sorry for your loss, As for flashbacks I have them to and its been two years now, something will trigger one and my goodness its like I am reliving that moment/day again.
As for your sister being due next month I can certainly understand your feelings as to how to deal with them I am sorry I wish I had that answer. I still see other families and though I wish no harm on any one I can't help but wonder why us. Hugs.
RE: does anyone get flash backs
How terrible for you, i am so sorry,
the day my daughter died, the hospital staff had sent us home to get some sleep, they called us to go back and when we got to the ITU two very young work experience nurses took us to her room where the doctors were working on her and put two chairs in the doorway so we could sit and watch, thats my flashback, now when i have that flashback i think of a happier time and don't ponder on it too much.
As for your family, i was the same with my husband, in a rational moment i explained that it was not personal, if i needed a good rant, all i need is for him to sit quietly, if i need a good cry all he needs to do is give me a cuddle.
As for your sisters baby, if it was me, and i can only tell you what i would do, I would talk to my sister, sooner rather than later, explain how you feel she will understand. Once the baby is born i would make a point of meeting my new niece or nephew, take him or her into a room on our own, give him or her a big cuddle and have a bloody good cry and then concentrate on being the best auntie ever. when the time comes hopefully you won't feel half as bad as you are imagining.
It is going to hurt, and you will feel devastated, but it is a starting point.
Also your sister is probably feeling very awkward around you, avoiding her and her baby isn't the answer you are going to have to go through it at some time, be brave, i am here if you want to talk x x x
RE: does anyone get flash backs
I'm sorry for your loss. I've had them too, only mine were in dreams, pain and all, so I was afraid to sleep. Also occasionally I still have muscle twitches that feel like the baby moving and I'm reminded that he is not there anymore. They have become less frequent and things are slowly getting easier. Your loss is still so fresh and it takes time to grieve. Be gentle on yourself, while the pain will probably never go away, it does become easier to cope with if you allow yourself to grieve. As for your sister having a baby I can't tell you how you might react, but you just might surprise yourself. One of my friends had her baby a few weeks after I lost mine, and even though it hurt I forced myself to visit and to hold him. Surprisingly she cried more than I did. She is the only person I know that understood what I was going through without having gone through it herself. Now when I'm having a bad day or week I find some time to go play with him and it actually helps me feel better to have a baby to hold for awhile even though he isn't mine. Also finding a new routine and things to keep me busy have helped too.
RE: does anyone get flash backs
I keep getting the odd twinges makess me think hes still in me growing for a split second, my flashbacks are of when it all happend, I also had a dream about him last night and and some how he came back to life I heard hes cry and was happy again even tho its not true and never will be I feel a little better that iv dreamt hes cry it was also upsetting when I woke up and realised it wasnt real :( I have been taking tablets to get me to sleep as im not getting to sleep till 5 in the morning I just lie in bed for a few hours cryinng and thinking about him, im gunna try my best for my sister to interact with her baby cus I dont want to upset her by ignoring her and her baby and also might regret it at some point in life, thanks for your comments it means alot hugs to all xxx
RE: does anyone get flash backs
Hi Paula
Regarding the flashbacks, I still after 15 and 9 years get these. Especially on anniversaries. Thinking of you and will keep you in my prayers. Remember you are not alone in this. Always welcome to message me if you just want to chat or if I can help you in anyway!
Much love,
Hyacinth
RE: does anyone get flash backs
Hi Paula, I lost my 4yr old daughter 2 1/2 years ago and I still have flash backs, just this morning I had to stop in my car to let an ambulance pass and it brought it all back, now I cant stop having them going over and over that day she left how nobody could save her.
A few months after she died my sister fell pregnant and I felt so upset I cant really explain why I almost felt angry with her,it took me a while to come to terms with it but when her son was born eveery thing was ok and I am absolutly fine with him, I think it was just a shock at such a sad time for me, you,ve lost the most precious thing in the world and somebody close is gaining one, my daughter Harley was olso a twin it was olso upsetting still is whenever i see people with twins and i only hae one of mine, but I have learnt to be happy for them, and my sister and anyone else having babies ect. because kids are great little miricles and life has just dealt us a cruel blow, which we learn to live with, never forget but learn to carry on, so sorry for your loss, i hope soon you can learn to live with the pain, its such a raw time for you at the moment, please take care and try to stay strong, Jane
RE: does anyone get flash backs
yes i get flash backs to what happened to my baby i was 37 weeks and had a plactna abruption i wouldnt belive that my baby had died and kept saying they got it wrong. It happened on the 13/11/2011 and i still cant let go of ethan i even have night mares about seeing him in the morg
RE: does anyone get flash backs
Flashbacks, reliving those last few weeks right now as i do so many times during the year, flashbacks of what we were doing.... what my precious Son was doing on this or that day..... 5 years ago, It never stops, so many things in everyday life that trigger of another moment in my Son's life, sooooo much, soooo often, 5 years..... NO it was just Yesterday !!! xxxxx
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