I've been reading all your posts on here as i'm in total denial. I'm sat here crying my heart out for my preciious son and then i think why? it's not true is it???
Ross was in the Army and was in an explosion in Afghanistan.. his friend was killed and Ross fractured his spine in two places but went on to rescue another army lad who was knocked out and tried to save his friend to no avail. He then cleared to way for the rest of the convoy to return to base.
Ross was told to go back to work by a MO army bloke, on his cruches much to my dismay.. the lads were still in Afghan... my boy cried and cried that they were still there on xmas day whilst he was at home waiting for his dinner.. I thought i'd got him through but on the day of the lads return home they all went for a drink.. Ross never come home... i blame myself for not protecting him and think what sort of mum am i letting the horrible MO tell him he had to return.
Me and my husband, oldest son and his girlfriend and Ross's girlfriend all went to Buckingham palace in November last year as Ross was awarded the Queens Gallantry Medal for what he did in Afghan.... I was so proud but so distraught that he couldn't get it himself.
I still think he's at base and wish every day that he will come home to me...
Life is so crap and some days i just wish i won't wake up. This is the first time i have spoken about this.. is there anyone in the same boat as me?? cos i feel so alone, even with my family around me..
March 17, 2012
God yes, life is crap, I fight the need to be with my girl every single day.....and it's hard work.
In my head I'm continually saying to myself 'it's true', it's not true' round and round it goes until the only safe thing to do is sleep. Some days it's so bad that I feel the only way out is to be with her, but then some how I bring my self back to the 'real' world.
Your not alone I can promise you that, us mums have been dealt the 'BLACKEST' hand.....we mums have had our lives broken beyond repair.
People lose loved ones it's the way life goes they remember them with smiles and warmth, and tears. I will never remember my girl in that way, I remember the day my girl was ripped from me and I will remain destroyed forever. I could lie to you and say life is good 2 years on but it would be a lie, life and people are easier to deal with.....but I will never accept my baby's gone, never.
You must be very very proud of Ross, he gave his life and that in my eyes makes him very special.....bless your brave son XxX
Angie I am so sorry for your loss. as Julie said you must be so proud of Ross but I know that doesn't change the heart ache you feel. For me personally I think my denial is leaving, believe me I do not "accept" this but I think reality is starting to sink and a new emotion of hopelessness. Each day is such a new challenge but some how I do get thru each day and every one think things are "okay" with me now that its been two years, they do not know me. My thoughts and prays are with you. Hugs.
I READILY AGREE WITH ALL JULIE AND SHARIE HAS SAID AND YES EVERYONE THINKS YOU SHOULD BE OK TWO YEARS DOWN THE TRACK WHAT THEY DONT AND NEVER WILL UNDERSTAND IS THE TRUE HEARTACHE WE LIVE WITH EACH AND EVERY DAY AND THAT WILL NEVER LEAVE US ITS TOTAL DESPAIR REALLY YOU HAVE EVERY REASON TO BE SO VERY PROUD OF YOUR DEAR SON AND MAY HE R.I.P. SENDING YOU LOVE & HUGS FRANCES XXXX
Thank you for all for your replies, i don't know what to say, I feel so alone that sometimes i don't know what to do. I am sat here again crying my heart out..; why me..why me....what have i done to deserve this....
March 24, 2012