I lost my 6 year old son Tyler 11 months ago to a brain stem glioma. From day of diagnosis to passing was only 12 weeks. Before this he was a perfectly happy healthy child. It was so very quick and unexpected. Tyler was/is my only child. My partner(not Tyler's father) was very close to Tyler and he has 3 grownup children that live elsewhere. We spoke of perhaps having a child and initially he was all for it. Even when he was saying it I knew he was saying it to keep me happy. I wasn't sure whether I wanted a baby or not just wanted to know what he thought about it. Because of age etc we went to an information session at an IVF clinic. He looked upset during this meeting and after it when I questioned him he said that he didn't really want to have any more children. I do understand this as he is 45 and has 3 others. Problem is now I have no role in my life. I feel that I am not needed by anyone. I have accepted this but every now and again I can't help but having a shot at him regarding his change of mind. I need to find a purpose and am struggling. This is causing arguments. He is a good man and very supportive but I just feel that at 41 I am in retirement. I don't wish this to poison our relationship as I love him very much. Not sure if I would have gone ahead with IVF but because he said no after saying yes I can't seem to get over it. Any ideas would be appreciated?
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RE: Any advice?
Hi Nicky,
I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my son 23 weeks into my pregnancy. He was our first child and we haven't had any since. He would be 3 in December. My partner was against having another child initially - the pain was too much and it was too soon. We didn't speak of it for nearly 2 years, as it was too hard and we both needed to work through our grief. We will probably wait another 2 years before we make a final decision.
Although your partner is older, perhaps he just needs time to think about the prospect of having a new born baby in his life. Of "losing" you to the demands of a newborn. If you are certain that you are ready to have another child in your life, that isn't Tyler, and you've logically thought about the implications, then you need to speak to your parnter about your thoughts of not being needed.
If he knows that you feel this way, he may think differently about only thinking of what a new baby would mean for his life.
Thinking of you,
Mellisa
xxxx
RE: Any advice?
hi my name is georgina i am so sorry about tyler that must ov been hell no doubt..some times as you no in life things can change from day to day relationships go through changes and stages i can understand the resentment on his change ov mind and if a child is what you really truely want could you forsake that...if you love your partner and you can pass up on the chid and settle happy with the life you have made you must make up and let any resentment go life is very short.maybe a relationship counciler could help they are very good and not how people think its good to get it all out.god bless you.x
RE: Any advice?
Hi Nicky, I'm so sorry for your loss. I completely understand your need for another baby to love. I think you need to sit down with your partner and explain how you feel. Yyou need to talk through things and figure out exactly what you want, hopefully then you can both move forward. Take care xxx
RE: Any advice?
Hi Nicky
I am sorry to hear about the loss of your little one. I think it is perfectly understandable that you would like to have a try at having another baby. Your partner may already has 3 but your needs, have to be considered too, and you are not asking for anything out of the ordinary. You need to talk further and figure out, whether you would be happy to not have another child, as in the future if you regret not trying to having another child you could end up having resentment issues towards your husband and that would not be good either. Let him know exactly how you feel, and you never know he might just change his mind - communication breakdown can cause lots of arguments and he just might not know how strongly you feel about it, vicer verser!
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